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Today, I discovered that spicy ground beef bits are the perfect size to become lodged in one's nasal cavity when vomited back up. FML

Today, I got dragged into playing doubles tennis. It was me and my wife against her parents. I wound up hitting the ball too hard. My mother-in-law, who has the reaction times of a comatose turtle, got nailed. Everyone's convinced I did it on purpose because of our mutual hatred of each other. FML

#21475976
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24677) - you deserved it (2251)

On 10/04/2015 at 10:20am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up in the elevator of my apartment building in the middle of the night, without my keys, phone, or shoes. Turns out I have been sleepwalking. FML

Today, I was pushing so hard to take a number two that I ended up passing out. FML

#21475669
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21216) - you deserved it (5014)

On 10/03/2015 at 11:30am - health - by Till We Pass Out - United Kingdom (Calderdale)

Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML

#21475613
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21751) - you deserved it (2171)

On 10/03/2015 at 6:57am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Blackpool)

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

#21475230
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9871) - you deserved it (27866)

On 10/02/2015 at 1:49am - health - by balls (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother told me I should volunteer in Africa, because I might "get lucky, catch malaria and come back skinny". FML

#21474470
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26031) - you deserved it (2206)

On 09/30/2015 at 2:47am - health - by strayy (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I had to stand up on a train for my 4-hour journey. Why? Two pregnant women flew into unbridled rage with me over sitting in the priority seating, saying I was selfish. I'm recovering from spinal surgery. FML

#21474057
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30499) - you deserved it (2114)

On 09/29/2015 at 4:33am - health - by hunchbackofnotredamn (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my wrist. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I am pretty sure mosquito bites are not supposed to start crawling up to your armpit while swelling. FML

Today, I sneezed so hard that I re-dislocated my shoulder. FML

#21470276
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22477) - you deserved it (1697)

On 09/19/2015 at 2:58pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm travelling across the country with my family. My grandma thought it would be a good idea to take her shoes off. It's been 5 minutes and my eyes are watering from the stench. We still have over 200 miles left until we get home. FML

#21470101
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20455) - you deserved it (1421)

On 09/19/2015 at 1:24am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML

#21469165
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26245) - you deserved it (3108)

On 09/16/2015 at 1:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Japan

Today, I finally kicked my awful nail-biting habit. All it took was a fractured jaw. I haven't been able to chew anything for two weeks. FML

#21468880
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20246) - you deserved it (2444)

On 09/15/2015 at 5:48pm - health - by brokenface (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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