Today, some guy on a bike kept taunting me about my weight while I was out jogging. He ended up hitting a street lamp and fell off his bike. I had a real good laugh at him for all of 5 seconds before he got mad and really made me run. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2016 at 1:59pm / United States / Health

Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able to take a solid crap. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2016 at 1:11pm / United States (Iowa) / Health

Today, my doctor said I "might" have an enlarged heart and an irregular heartbeat. It "could" be seriously life-threatening and I "should" go to a specialist for further tests. My insurance refuses to cover my consultation with the specialist because the doctor's wording is too uncertain. FML

by DeathbyWording / 04/29/2016 at 1:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, my anxiety has gotten so bad that I start to panic every time someone even approaches me. I'm a cashier, and I'm only halfway through my shift. FML

by PhantomKitty / 04/29/2016 at 11:20am / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML

by AintEasyBeinWheezy / 04/28/2016 at 2:26pm / United States / Health

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

by tingleballs / 04/28/2016 at 10:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, I tried to impress a girl I like by sliding down the rails of our school's stairs. My foot got snagged and I ended up with a broken ankle. FML

by brandogg / 04/27/2016 at 5:33am / United States (New Mexico) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I rolled my ankle, got pink eye, and have the flu. Unable to stand long enough to cook myself a meal, I opted for delivery. When I opened the door for the delivery boy, he backed away frantically with his arms up upon seeing me. Apparently, I look just as shitty as I feel. FML

by Sick As Hell / 04/27/2016 at 3:22am / United States (Iowa) / Health

Today, my seasonal allergies started. Most annoying thing by far this allergy season? I only get the urge to sneeze when I have food in my mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2016 at 4:00am / Spain / Health

Today, at school, I wore a back brace because I have fractured vertebrae. During first period, a girl tapped me on the back to ask me a question. It made a "knocking on wood" sound. She looked at me like I was a freak. FML

by Drew / 04/25/2016 at 10:21pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I crawled under a table to plug a new lamp. When I tried to get up, I hit my head on the corner of the same table, getting me my fourth concussion in three years for trying to plug a f***ing lamp. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2016 at 4:37pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health

Today, I arrived for the two-week scuba diving vacation I spent months saving, planning, and looking forward to. Today, I also developed an ear infection and can't scuba dive for 2 weeks. FML

by nonnie31 / 04/25/2016 at 3:17pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, while watching home videos with my family, I saw a clip of me as an infant attempting to breast feed from my father while he laughed uncontrollably. Now, my son keeps sneaking his baby brother's head under my shirt while I'm asleep. The last time he actually began to suckle. FML

by Nasty / 04/25/2016 at 12:59pm / United States (Florida) / Health