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Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML

#21290633
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26973) - you deserved it (2276)

On 11/02/2014 at 4:28pm - health - by Mojo0608 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

#21290313
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35516) - you deserved it (3149)

On 11/02/2014 at 6:28am - health - by smellyhair - United Kingdom

Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML

#21289648
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31985) - you deserved it (2471)

On 11/01/2014 at 11:28am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

#21289188
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34143) - you deserved it (2786)

On 10/31/2014 at 5:12pm - health - by peanutprobs - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I came to the conclusion I have three kids instead of two, after having to force my husband to take a shower. It's been a week. FML

#21288837
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28078) - you deserved it (2802)

On 10/31/2014 at 1:10am - health - by NoScrubs - United States (California)

Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

#21287120
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29500) - you deserved it (2187)

On 10/28/2014 at 5:58pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I've been one year sober. My health has improved a lot, unlike my social life, which has died a horrible, lonely death. FML

#21286990
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30144) - you deserved it (4059)

On 10/28/2014 at 2:04pm - health - by not drunk (woman) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

#21286665
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28793) - you deserved it (5040)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:00pm - health - by Discipl (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

#21286497
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27745) - you deserved it (11605)

On 10/27/2014 at 7:05pm - health - by lady parts - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21285495
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22358) - you deserved it (21193)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:35am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I'm horribly out of shape. My arms are sore, almost like I'd been doing heavy lifting yesterday. Nope. It just was from squeezing cupcake icing out of a tube. FML



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