Today, I was spending the night at my fiancé's house. He knew my period was about to start, so he asked if he needed to put a tarp down on the bed. He was dead serious. FML

by hannax / 08/16/2016 at 1:26pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Health

Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML

by TheHeirofTime / 08/15/2016 at 11:11am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I went to the chiropractor for a check up. She was going through some of the ways to help my posture and mentioned something that I've never heard before. My fat ass thought it was a type of food. Turns out it was a sports routine. FML

by Epithymia / 08/15/2016 at 11:09am / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Health

Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML

by ElaborateScheme / 08/14/2016 at 4:52pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

by heck / 08/12/2016 at 9:57am / Health

Today, I sprained my wrist while trying to grate a block of frozen cheese. FML

by cheeseless / 08/11/2016 at 4:47pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I ordered two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's and asked for one of them without pickles so they would think I was ordering for two people. Both burgers were for me. FML

by hamburglar / 08/11/2016 at 2:46pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML

by NotAGoodDay / 08/10/2016 at 2:57pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Health

Today, I was told I'll need a hysterectomy. I'm barely 22. My doctor said "You probably wanted kids, huh? That's gonna be rough!" FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2016 at 10:10am / Serbia / Health

Today, after not moving at work all day, I decided to be healthy and walk home. Now my thighs are numb from rubbing together. FML

by ChubbyPanda / 08/08/2016 at 6:49pm / Health

Today, Snapchat thought my double chin was a mouth. FML

by Weightlosshereicome / 08/08/2016 at 6:06am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I attempted to bleach the little hairs above my lip. I had it on for about 15 seconds. Turns out that the horrible stinging that I had felt meant that it was not just working, but also eating through my skin at the same time. FML

by AlmightyVoice / 08/07/2016 at 7:38am / United States (Michigan) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after countless nights of no sleep and only some spontaneous naps, I was finally seeing a sleeping doctor to analyze the problem. I missed the appointment because I ended up sleeping through my alarm after not being able to sleep at all last night. FML

by Sleepless / 08/04/2016 at 2:44pm / Health