Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

by mattlikesfunions / 07/18/2016 at 2:56pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I finally finished a gruelling shift at the hospital. I hadn't slept in over 30 hours, so I was happy to get out. I was quickly rushed back in after I collapsed in the parking lot and cracked my head open. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2016 at 11:16am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I was told to rub in my sunscreen because I looked like a ghost. I wasn't wearing any. I'm just that white. FML

by CasperTheFriendlyGhost / 07/14/2016 at 1:11pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

by foxfur / 07/14/2016 at 8:21am / United States (Vermont) / Health

Today, my phone autocorrected "with chills" to "with child" in the middle of a message, and I didn't notice until I was contacted several hours later by a panicking friend. My gastric flu is now rumoured to have been morning sickness, all because I can't proofread. FML

by DrumrollPlease / 07/13/2016 at 3:50am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Health

Today, I found out my mom has been telling my entire family I need surgery on my "Labia" instead of my "Labrum". I went from needing shoulder surgery to needing vagina surgery with one group text. Thanks, mom. FML

by me / 07/10/2016 at 11:00pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

Today, two people came up to me at school, asking if I'd sell them some of my Adderall. I only just transferred here and have never mentioned my ADHD or the Adderall I take for it to anyone. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2016 at 12:33pm / Health

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes. So I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes. But at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

by ScarletBuckeye / 07/09/2016 at 12:38pm / Health

Today, I would like to say I pinched a nerve throwing punches, but no, I did it by sneezing. FML

by Manly Sneeze / 07/07/2016 at 7:34am / Health

Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML

by it's sharty time :/ / 07/02/2016 at 2:45pm / United States (North Dakota) / Health

Today, I was started my week of camping alone in the woods. I took my shoes off to go to sleep, but I had to come out to get water. I stepped on a wasp, and while I was standing on one foot looking at the sting, I realized I was in an ant pile. I'm allergic to both. FML

by anonymous / 06/30/2016 at 1:27am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

by hellolaina / 06/27/2016 at 12:33pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, marks three days since I was supposed to follow the moving truck to my new home. Instead, I got super sick and my dad drove away without me. I've been laying on a dog cushion the entire weekend because my bed is 500 miles away. FML

by PlzSendBlankets / 06/26/2016 at 10:00pm / United States (Missouri) / Health