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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my mom told me that when I choked on a tortilla chip yesterday, she was seriously planning on cutting my neck open and sticking a straw in it if I didn't stop, because she saw someone do it on 'E.R.'. Now I'm scared to have an emergency around her. FML

Today, while giving my final speech, a bump that had been growing on my arm popped. Pus leaked through my white dress sleeve, and it smelled like death. Everyone noticed. FML

#21501522
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22216) - you deserved it (2342)

On 12/08/2015 at 3:24pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to get minor surgery done. I have anxiety and a phobia of needles, so they gave me laughing gas. It gave me a panic attack. FML

Today, I started taking my anxiety meds. Without them I can't function because I'm constantly fighting off panic attacks, but with them I can't function because I get crippling headaches and heartburn and feel tired all the time. FML

#21501112
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21944) - you deserved it (1933)

On 12/07/2015 at 2:04pm - health - by panicked headaches - United States (Michigan)

Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML

#21500090
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20161) - you deserved it (1335)

On 12/04/2015 at 5:17pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was trying to get a piece of apple that was stuck in between my teeth. A chunk of my tooth came out instead. FML

Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML

#21499834
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19043) - you deserved it (4198)

On 12/03/2015 at 10:21pm - health - by yayibs - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML

#21498753
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22206) - you deserved it (1465)

On 11/30/2015 at 10:52pm - health - by ugh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was verbally and physically attacked in a public pool, because I was swimming in what a grandma claimed was her part of the pool. Since I'm a very tolerant person, I calmly tried to talk some reason into the elderly lady. The lifeguard had to come to protect me. FML

#21498655
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22239) - you deserved it (1646)

On 11/30/2015 at 6:54pm - health - by Anonymous - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, I learned that the only way for me to have a complete bowel movement is to blow my nose at the same time. However, I learned this while standing in my girlfriend's kitchen. FML

#21498310
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21154) - you deserved it (1866)

On 11/29/2015 at 8:17pm - health - by achoo-plop - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned not to take sex tips from virgins seriously. "Have sex in the shower", they said. "It'll be fun", they said. Well they didn't take slippage into account. One busted nose and concussion later, I'm not seeing the "fun" part at all. FML

#21497666
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19705) - you deserved it (6843)

On 11/27/2015 at 11:21pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML

#21497434
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19006) - you deserved it (3275)

On 11/27/2015 at 10:28am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I noticed that the eye drops I have been using 3 times a day for the past week expired when the Jonas Brothers were popular. FML

#21497247
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20162) - you deserved it (5211)

On 11/26/2015 at 9:47pm - health - by clkoko - United States (New York)



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