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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML

#21436121
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20716) - you deserved it (5764)

On 07/03/2015 at 11:41pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I learned I don't have a yeast infection. I have herpes. FML

#21434596
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26115) - you deserved it (7817)

On 06/30/2015 at 10:21pm - health - by quiet_screaming_ - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I just woke up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML

#21432043
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28776) - you deserved it (1720)

On 06/25/2015 at 11:06pm - health - by postop (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML

#21431076
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28609) - you deserved it (1756)

On 06/24/2015 at 8:44am - health - by tantanpanda (man) - United States

Today, I went to the ER for extremely heavy bleeding related to my IUD birth control. They decided the best thing to do was remove it. An exam, two ultrasounds, and three x-rays later, the doctor comes back to tell me what's going on. Yeah, they can't find it. FML

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

#21430214
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24425) - you deserved it (4489)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm - health - by oh no (man) - United States (California)

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

#21430208
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29591) - you deserved it (1261)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:46pm - health - by ICanExplain - United States (California)

Today, I told my dad I was gonna to start working out again. He looked at me with honest confusion on his face and said, "You worked out before?" My mother started laughing. She was all the way upstairs. FML

#21430201
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21910) - you deserved it (2554)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:35pm - health - by LukesSkyWalker (woman) - United States

Today, my pinky finger found out how much a king size bed weighs. FML

#21430073
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23058) - you deserved it (2463)

On 06/22/2015 at 11:12am - health - by akimbojuju - United States

Today, I was about to leave for my honeymoon with my new husband, when he saw my deodorant in my bag. He picked it up and asked what it was. When I said it was deodorant, he gave me a confused look and said "girls don't wear deodorant". He actually believed that. FML

#21428525
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26295) - you deserved it (2496)

On 06/19/2015 at 10:47am - health - by stanky - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

#21427521
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35972) - you deserved it (2582)

On 06/17/2015 at 10:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML

#21427019
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25700) - you deserved it (4854)

On 06/16/2015 at 1:27pm - health - by Iarla_ceapaire93 - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

#21425769
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24654) - you deserved it (6468)

On 06/14/2015 at 2:35am - health - by flipflap (woman) -



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