Today, after finally dropping my weight from an overweight 200 to a slim 135, my skin is now loose everywhere, and stretches about two inches out on my stomach. FML

by cloud7 / 12/26/2010 at 10:40pm / Health

Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and makes my skin look hideously orange and uneven. I wasn't wearing any makeup. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2010 at 4:32pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML

by person / 12/26/2010 at 12:59pm / Jordan (Amman Governorate) / Health

Today, my friend compared my hair color to hers. Also, she braided my hair (two pieces) with hers (one piece). I asked her why and she finally broke down and told me. She has lice and didn't want to be the only one. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2010 at 3:12am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I think my friends were trying to tell me something with all my Christmas gifts being mostly perfume, deodorant, and soap. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2010 at 1:04am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML

by Connor / 12/25/2010 at 1:33pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was straightening my hair for my Christmas Eve party. I put the hot straighter down on my bed for a second, and zoned out enough to sit squarely on it a few moments later. I now have burns on my ass cheek, and a six-hour party at which I can't even sit down. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2010 at 11:08pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I used the restrooms at the shopping mall. The cleaning lady stepped in after me, immediately turned around and very demonstratively started spraying air freshener. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2010 at 5:52am / Netherlands / Health

Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2010 at 2:15am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 11:28am / United Kingdom (North Yorkshire) / Health

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 2:54am / United States / Health

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth taken out. I happen to be allergic to all types of pain medication. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 3:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my wife got her second kidney stone in a month. I gave her some pills to help with the pain. An hour later she started hallucinating, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on our couch. FML

by qwaynick / 12/21/2010 at 4:25am / Health