Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2016 at 3:36pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, my mom tried to convince me to throw out my insulin shots because she read a chain email that claimed they "cause cancer". FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2016 at 2:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been feeling of pressure in my chest. After running numerous tests, I was told I was perfectly healthy and had nothing to worry about. I made it as far as the front door before I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

by yourekillingme / 02/18/2016 at 11:12pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, I was helping my grandmother move a TV into her room upstairs. While carrying the TV, I slipped on a stair, fell over and broke the banister. I broke my leg and smashed the TV as well. FML

Today, I finally treated myself and bought my first moisturizer. The woman at Sephora promised it would "retexturize my face." If by "retexturize" she meant, "make it feel like a rubber balloon," then she was right on the money. FML

by balloonface / 02/18/2016 at 2:48am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I fractured two ribs from coughing. My doctor told me to stop coughing, or I would fracture them more. I have bronchitis. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2016 at 7:01pm / United States / Health

Today, I was miserable with a cold. So I ordered soup and noodles from a new Chinese restaurant. Now I am miserable with a cold and food poisoning. FML

by All the ills / 02/15/2016 at 3:32pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML

by notonthepavement / 02/15/2016 at 6:04am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2016 at 8:57pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of) / Health

Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2016 at 4:15am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Health

Today, I found out my doctor misdiagnosed my kidney stones as constipation. Now, I'm shitting like crazy from the laxatives that he gave me, and I also have to pass a kidney stone. FML

by madisonnnnnn / 02/12/2016 at 8:38pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

by neveragain / 02/12/2016 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health

Today, I was cuddling with the man I've been seeing, and he started caressing the mammoth of all pimples on my back. He continued fondling me while lecturing me on the dangers of skin cancer. FML

by tooembarrassed / 02/12/2016 at 10:13am / Australia (Queensland) / Health