Today, I broke my arm. When I got home from the doctors with my cast, I fell asleep on the couch from the medicine. When I woke up, there were swastikas, "I love the KKK", and multiple penises written all over my cast. My dad thought it would be funny. FML

by Mervin22 / 01/28/2011 at 11:10pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, I was given the ultimate ultimatum: either I suffer excruciating stomach pains and remain a hostage to the porcelain whirlpool goddess, or I stop taking pain medication and face the wrath of a raging infection in my jaw. FML

by Damn.... / 01/28/2011 at 2:26pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I finally felt well enough to take an actual shower after having surgery on my back. It took five minutes to stand up, ten minutes to get to the shower, and another ten minutes to get in. The pilot light went out in less than five minutes. FML

by brrrr that's cold! / 01/27/2011 at 3:24pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I was doing my grocery shopping, absent-mindedly wondering if my new diet was working. I got my answer when my panties fell down around my ankles. FML

by knickersdontfit / 01/26/2011 at 12:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, after mourning and making my girlfriend cancel her big birthday party, I found out my grandma didn't actually die. FML

by WronglySad619 / 01/26/2011 at 5:31am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my uncle had a flashback to Vietnam. I'm now missing a tooth and have a cracked rib. FML

by Randall / 01/25/2011 at 2:28am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I went to the eye doctor. For the past three days every time I wear my glasses I become nauseous, get migraines, and have that "fish-eye view" where everything is rounded. Turns out they placed my lenses on the wrong sides. FML

by l0stnwundrland / 01/24/2011 at 3:01am / United States / Health

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

by Sostupid / 01/23/2011 at 10:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I was at my doctor's office. I thought I had a kidney stone. Turns out I'm pregnant and I have a kidney stone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2011 at 7:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML

by GuillermoCJ / 01/22/2011 at 12:36am / Mexico (Baja California) / Health

Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML

by turnedintoinsomniac / 01/21/2011 at 2:46pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I braved the winter weather conditions to get to a clinic for a prescription anti-diarrhea medication. When I arrived to find it closed, I turned around to walk to my car where I slipped on the ice. The impact made me simultaneously bruise my elbow and shit myself. FML

by chelseaface / 01/21/2011 at 10:13am / United States (New Jersey) / Health