Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML

by blue. / 05/19/2011 at 7:32pm / Health

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2011 at 3:26am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2011 at 12:38am / Australia / Health

Today, my friends were making fun of my clumsiness. I replied that I was not clumsy, and to prove it I was going to go the whole day without messing up. As I said this, I tripped over an extension cord and hit my head on a desk. FML

by SexyQueen0905 / 05/17/2011 at 9:05am / Health

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

by Bobby M / 05/16/2011 at 12:33pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Health

Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

by foolmetwice / 05/16/2011 at 10:28am / Health

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

by bloodyLIP / 05/14/2011 at 3:06pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2011 at 9:17am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

by BrownDump / 05/14/2011 at 6:43am / United States / Health

Today, my mom said she wanted me to get laser eye surgery before she did, "Just in case it isn't safe." FML

by samadams42 / 05/13/2011 at 3:18pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health

Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

by Eric / 05/12/2011 at 10:19pm / Health

Today, on the school bus, I rapped on a window in an attempt to get my friend's attention. A guy sitting behind me took this as an opportunity to shove my face into the window, breaking my nose. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2011 at 5:45pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2011 at 3:54am / Health