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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

#10832830
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37150) - you deserved it (7955)

On 05/29/2010 at 12:14am - health - by fmlpanda (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was expecting a very important work call. Today was also the day I got insuppressible diarrhea. As I was running to the washroom, the phone rang. I didn't make it to the washroom or the phone. FML

#10832589
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26824) - you deserved it (3125)

On 05/29/2010 at 12:04am - health - by phonesnshit (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

#10827596
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35128) - you deserved it (4440)

On 05/28/2010 at 7:51pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out there is such a thing as eyebrow dandruff, and that I have it. FML

#10775711
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29035) - you deserved it (5347)

On 05/26/2010 at 11:54am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

#10772340
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16735) - you deserved it (34644)

On 05/26/2010 at 4:17am - health - by kaylajere - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

#10752650
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14052) - you deserved it (32746)

On 05/25/2010 at 8:32am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

#10733187
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25709) - you deserved it (6377)

On 05/24/2010 at 12:14pm - health - by Dandruff - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at dentist to get impressions made. The hygienist put way too much of the plaster stuff on the press. She put it in my mouth and asked if I was okay, I shook my head no and promptly vomited. It sat at the back of my throat and I could not spit it out until the plaster hardened. FML

#10705842
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36013) - you deserved it (2681)

On 05/23/2010 at 2:08am - health - by gpistas - United States

Today, I was using Veet instead of shaving, so that the razor wouldn't cut up my legs. I cut myself with the plastic utensil that you're supposed to use to remove the Veet. FML

#10683891
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15797) - you deserved it (23130)

On 05/22/2010 at 3:03am - health - by knickedleg - Sent from mobile version

Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML

#10678827
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11572) - you deserved it (38886)

On 05/21/2010 at 10:41pm - health - by guyshithappensto (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

#10661974
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29797) - you deserved it (4043)

On 05/21/2010 at 1:04am - health - by mrmidi - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at a concert. During the concert, my shoelaces went undone, so I bent down to tie them. Not two seconds later, the girl behind me jumped on my shoulders and refused to get down. She said "tall guys" are the best to ride on during concerts. My name is Maria. FML

#10612063
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34580) - you deserved it (3865)

On 05/18/2010 at 2:57pm - health - by tallwoman (woman) - Denmark (Arhus)

Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML

#10559209
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37983) - you deserved it (10072)

On 05/16/2010 at 12:08am - health - by fatgirl - United States



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