Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML

by Ceej / 07/30/2011 at 5:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I had my back waxed to deal with the uncontrollable hair growth. Afterwards, I broke out in numerous pimples where the hair used to be. Basically, a lose-lose situation. FML

by Mitcha857 / 07/30/2011 at 12:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, the heat rash that has been devouring my side for the last week was revealed to be something much worse: shingles. FML

by ivannooze / 07/29/2011 at 5:40pm / United States / Health

Today, I have a huge scab on my thigh. What from? My thighs rubbing together. FML

by lilykat84 / 07/29/2011 at 2:09am / United States / Health

Today, I got the worst sunburn I've ever had in my life, and then discovered I'm allergic to aloe when I went to treat the burn with some gel. FML

by Username / 07/28/2011 at 5:36pm / United States / Health

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

by shroooms / 07/28/2011 at 4:37pm / Slovenia (Bohinj) / Health

Today, I gave my dad a brochure for anger management. His response? Throwing a chair out the window. FML

by 99520 / 07/28/2011 at 11:25am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I learned that horror movies do not exaggerate the pain of getting your nails ripped from your fingers. FML

by IIIlibras / 07/27/2011 at 5:28pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was going to a talent show. On the way there, my car broke down, I lost my keys and managed to slam my hand in a window. I got there and waited in the theater for an hour before a janitor came by and said, "Show is tomorrow, lady." FML

by lizzie / 07/27/2011 at 9:30am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML

by smokin / 07/26/2011 at 5:22pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2011 at 10:05am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML

by Ima_Moronski / 07/25/2011 at 11:35pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health