Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML

by Mel / 05/07/2011 at 6:27pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, while I was trying to explain to my friend how smoking weed everyday doesn't make you stupid, I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence. FML

by BCBUDDY / 05/07/2011 at 11:29am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, at 2 in the morning, my water broke. I called my mom and woke her up to come watch our older kid, while my husband and I went to the hospital. After being tested at the hospital, I was told I had just peed myself. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2011 at 1:58am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my doctor called and asked me when I could have my broken hand x-rayed again. I said the ER staff had told me it was a bad sprain over two weeks ago. I'm now in a full cast, and have to have my partially healed bones re-broken. There goes my summer. FML

by in_pain / 05/06/2011 at 7:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I passed out when my blood sugar dropped. Three times. And each time, my roommate, who was right next to me, just let me fall because he liked the way my face looked. FML

by Koda / 05/06/2011 at 12:27am / Health

Today, I was trying to convince a friend that even though I'm blonde, I'm not the oblivious or stupid moron everyone apparently thinks I am. Then I smacked face-first into a glass door. FML

by Blondie / 05/05/2011 at 4:01pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Health

Today, I learnt that eating McDonald's, Twisties, Chocolate and popcorn, then regretting it and going to the gym is a bad idea. I discovered how far vomit, on a moving treadmill, can be thrown across a room. FML

by gymgirl / 05/05/2011 at 9:47am / Hong Kong / Health

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, she thought I was prank calling. FML

by ouchies / 05/04/2011 at 10:38pm / United States / Health

Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2011 at 2:05pm / United States / Health

Today, is the third day my ring won't come off. I used soap, vegetable oil, lotion, soaked my hand in ice to make the swelling of my finger to come down, and even my mom pulled so hard she dislocated my finger. FML

by Madi Jenna / 05/04/2011 at 1:31pm / United States / Health

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. He parked his truck and reached in his door side pocket and grabbed a little black zippered bag. Seeing this, I burst out laughing saying, "Wow, what's that, your change purse?" He replied, "No, I'm diabetic, this is my blood sugar monitor." FML

by Cuppycake / 05/04/2011 at 1:33am / Canada / Health

Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML

by Username / 05/03/2011 at 3:51pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend that my baby now has fingernails. Her response was, "You're beginning to sound like a pro-life bumper sticker." FML

by CRH / 05/03/2011 at 11:41am / United States (Minnesota) / Health