Today, my mom took me to a counselor because of my addiction to watermelon. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2011 at 6:28pm / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

by hero to zero / 07/04/2011 at 12:09pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML

by wastedbaby / 07/03/2011 at 10:02pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health

Today, my drunk brother thought I could withstand a metal chair being slammed across my back like on the wrestling shows. I guess he didn't know that the shows are fake. FML

by drunkinriot / 07/03/2011 at 7:04pm / United States / Health

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room. Apparently, there is only one serious side effect of getting your tonsils out when you're an adult, which is only seen in about 1% of patients: bleeding of the throat. It can be deadly. I'm part of that 1%. FML

by blahdyblahblah33 / 07/02/2011 at 8:22pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML

by camzzz / 07/02/2011 at 4:27am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, after weeks, I've finally reached my goal and lost 10 lbs. My sister got jealous about me losing weight, and told my parents and coworkers that I'm anorexic. Hello, intervention. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2011 at 1:56am / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, I broke my collarbone in a rugby tournament. I was forced to sit through five more hours of games because the coach wouldn't take me to the hospital until the tournament was over. FML

by nico / 07/01/2011 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML

by Jenna / 06/29/2011 at 8:04pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I was told that I may die by the time I'm 30, and that I should Google the disorder because he doesn't know what it is for sure. FML

by Googleit / 06/29/2011 at 12:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my mum told me that my sister's little kiddie swing wouldn't hold my weight. I told her she was being stupid, and went on anyway. A broken ankle and two pins in my elbow later, I'm willing to accept this. FML

by Anza / 06/29/2011 at 2:12am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health

Today, after checking in and waiting 3 hours to see the doctor, the receptionist said she forgot about me because she didn't see me. She asked me to come back tomorrow. I was sitting right in front of her. FML

by misty / 06/28/2011 at 12:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health