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Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

#12538079
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30360) - you deserved it (3368)

On 08/15/2010 at 12:05pm - health - by shinee - Singapore

Today, I haven't had any real sleep in 4 days because I am an insomniac. My father is also an insomniac but he takes Ambien to get his rest. Me? I'm stuck staring at the ceiling for hours because he won't let me take any kind of medication, because he doesn't want me "getting addicted." FML

#12533834
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31827) - you deserved it (3424)

On 08/15/2010 at 3:23am - health - by sleeplessinID (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found out that the foundation I've been using for the past month isn't normal foundation, its skin darkening foundation. I look like an oompa loompa from the neck up. It won't go away for another month. FML

#12518999
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10662) - you deserved it (33516)

On 08/14/2010 at 12:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Scottish Borders)

Today, I turned the shower on the hottest setting so it would warm up quickly. I started to sing and dance around the bathroom. I got too carried away and pelvic thrusted the water, which I hadn't turned back down. FML

#12513717
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7957) - you deserved it (45988)

On 08/14/2010 at 2:27am - health - by Fire_Crotch (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML

#12506969
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9077) - you deserved it (46177)

On 08/13/2010 at 8:56pm - health - by thatsucks4u - United States (California)

Today, after saving up my money for weeks, I went to see my favorite artist in concert with my friends. Two songs in, I passed out, hit my head, and had to have someone drive me home. FML

#12456639
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27508) - you deserved it (6914)

On 08/11/2010 at 3:19pm - health - by anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

#12449255
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32962) - you deserved it (3872)

On 08/11/2010 at 5:19am - health - by Thepunchline (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I had an elderly woman come up to me and tell me how well I pull off the look of being bald. She said that most women can't look attractive without hair. Then she asked me if I had cancer. I had to explain to her that I am, in fact, a man, and I shave my head because I'm a swimmer. FML

#12448497
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36304) - you deserved it (4323)

On 08/11/2010 at 4:10am - health - by Jayswizzle (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up to find a tick stuck to my eyelashes. The only way I know of to get it off is with fire. FML

#12431903
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32914) - you deserved it (6589)

On 08/10/2010 at 12:34pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to endure a long drive from Poland to England. We weren't allowed to open our windows. My mum threw up. Twice. FML

#12430167
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31182) - you deserved it (3097)

On 08/10/2010 at 9:46am - health - by travelsickness - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, my mom signed me up for Weight Watchers as a surprise birthday present. FML

#12420355
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29303) - you deserved it (10971)

On 08/09/2010 at 10:29pm - health - by fatman - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

#12326152
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9194) - you deserved it (44254)

On 08/05/2010 at 4:17am - health - by Somethingswrongwiththispic (woman) - United States

Today, I was coaching at a swim meet. I heard a few of my swimmers screaming about a huge wasp on my head, so I told everyone to stay calm because we didn't want to upset the wasp. Unfortunately, I was interrupted by another coach from our team hitting me repeatedly on the head with a clipboard. FML

#12251275
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30696) - you deserved it (2877)

On 08/01/2010 at 8:20pm - health - by Doodle (woman) - United States (Florida)



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