Today, my boyfriend admitted that he stopped brushing his teeth two days after we started dating. Tomorrow is our 2 year anniversary. FML

by disgustedgf / 06/28/2011 at 3:32am / United States / Health

Today, I was playing tetherball with my younger brother. I get really competitive, so I threw it as hard as I could. It came around and hit me in the face. FML

by hopeless / 06/27/2011 at 10:09am / Canada (Manitoba) / Health

Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML

by kaplwv116 / 06/26/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, my mom insisted on putting sunscreen on me. I closed my eyes and shut my mouth while she rubbed some on my face. Halfway through, I burped. I opened my mouth just in time to get a large glob of sunscreen in it. FML

by Unbearable / 06/25/2011 at 3:58pm / United States (New York) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother won't give me any painkillers for my migraine. She believes that "When medicine goes into your stomach, the acids stop the medicine from working" and that "It's all in people's heads when medicine works". FML

by Live02Dance / 06/25/2011 at 8:58am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML

by John / 06/24/2011 at 7:58pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I had my first hockey game after being out with a shoulder injury. I ended up cracking my tail bone. FML

by Paul Williams / 06/24/2011 at 3:17pm / United States / Health

Today, I found out how it feels to have my groin catch fire due to a magic trick going wrong. FML

by chaoticnh / 06/24/2011 at 5:57am / Austria / Health

Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML

by John / 06/24/2011 at 3:17am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I dislocated my collarbone while trying remove my bra without taking off my shirt. FML

by Ali (New York) / 06/23/2011 at 11:01pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I couldn't prove my son has had chickenpox, so his school gave us the option of getting a potentially dangerous shot he didn't need, pay for an expensive blood test to show that he previously had the virus, or sign a waiver stating I'm a religious nut refusing medical treatment. FML

by CallMeJesusFreak / 06/23/2011 at 7:58pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I attempted to bleach my body hair so I wouldn't have to shave. A little while later, I realized that I'd also succeeded in bleaching my skin, which was incredibly noticeable. I'm hosting a pool party this weekend. FML

by run4fun / 06/23/2011 at 2:56pm / United States (Vermont) / Health

Today, I learned how to wolf-whistle properly, and then learned what it feels like to be slapped on the head. FML

by youknowwhatitis / 06/22/2011 at 9:31am / Australia (South Australia) / Health