Today, I got a splinter in my shop class. The teacher dug at it with tweezers for a while, then told me that my best bet would be to wait until the wound got infected and formed a bunch of pus around the splinter to force it out. It's in my dominant hand's palm. FML

by pain / 05/20/2016 at 12:23am / United States (California) / Health

Today, while playing hockey, one of my teammates decided to swing her hockey stick like a golf club. She missed the ball, but managed to hit me right in the vagina. FML

by bruised / 05/19/2016 at 4:54pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I got a letter stating that now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I need to start getting cervical exams. The only people interested in getting anywhere near my vagina are doctors. FML

by CarouselHeart / 05/18/2016 at 4:09pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Health

Today, I found out it's possible to dislocate your jaw just by yawning. Now I'm in the ER, looking like a total psycho. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 5:10pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 10:03am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, after spending a day in the ER and a day in hospital, I was recovering from emergency surgery. My boyfriend left to eat and didn't come back. He texted me 4 hours later that he was drinking with his friends and that he loved his "brown eyed girl". My eyes aren't brown. FML

by evenmybodyhatesme / 05/15/2016 at 2:47am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I got my tonsils removed. My body also agreed that today was a good day to get a bad cough. My bed currently looks like a scene out of "Dexter". FML

by MissAnonymous93 / 05/14/2016 at 11:32am / South Africa / Health

Today, I found out my whole family has been mistakenly using the same toothbrush for over a month. FML

by aggghghgh / 05/14/2016 at 4:51am / Health

Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML

by mcginnismr / 05/13/2016 at 6:57pm / Health

Today, I was hiking with my uncle. We were going down a slope, and I kept slipping. He jokingly pushed me just as we approached a big drop. I ended up with three fractured ribs. FML

by edgyasfuck23 / 05/13/2016 at 1:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

by Workplace woes / 05/12/2016 at 1:00pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I went to my dentist's appointment with huge anxiety because I had to get a filling. Last week, I paid $120 to be told I needed this filling. This time, I paid $80 to be told my teeth are fine. Each visit lasted all of 5 minutes. FML

by Toothach / 05/11/2016 at 9:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to 'break it up' with a gloved finger, and then he sent me home with directions on how to administer an enema. I do not recommend trying to give an enema to a kid that doesn't want one. FML

by anon mom / 05/11/2016 at 8:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Health