Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, I threw up when I woke up, feeling quite ill, I told my mum. She instantly thought I was pregnant. I'm still a virgin and she doesn't believe me. FML

#15229346
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36242) - you deserved it (3408)

On 03/07/2011 at 1:17pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)

Today, it's official, we measured. My boyfriend's manboobs are bigger than my breasts. FML

#15225525
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52313) - you deserved it (10776)

On 03/07/2011 at 1:16am - health - by tinygirl -

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

#15221158
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37492) - you deserved it (3448)

On 03/06/2011 at 7:50pm - health - by milkndstufff (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the dentist after 24 hours of severe tooth pain. They did an emergency root canal. After the anesthesia wore off, within minutes, the pain returned only worse than before. Called the dentist, I had to return, only to find they had done the root canal on the wrong tooth. FML

#15213402
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45270) - you deserved it (2913)

On 03/06/2011 at 12:42am - health - by rj (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

#15209845
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40619) - you deserved it (3664)

On 03/05/2011 at 8:42pm - health - by nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML

#15207918
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33914) - you deserved it (3844)

On 03/05/2011 at 4:53pm - health - by 092492 - United States (California)

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

#15196116
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14936) - you deserved it (40702)

On 03/04/2011 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I was riding my motorcycle on the highway and wearing all of my gear - boots, gloves, jacket, and full-face helmet. Somehow a bee found the only spot not covered on my body and stung my neck. I'm allergic to bees. FML

#15194289
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36895) - you deserved it (2877)

On 03/04/2011 at 4:22am - health - by Brandon Butler -

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML

#15187189
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29319) - you deserved it (7006)

On 03/03/2011 at 4:18pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

#15166184
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37377) - you deserved it (3068)

On 03/01/2011 at 7:11pm - health - by stillsick (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while pensively thinking up my next awesome Facebook status over dinner, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to get a life. FML

#15165493
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14475) - you deserved it (39582)

On 03/01/2011 at 6:18pm - health - by Baileyy - United States

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

#15161731
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30086) - you deserved it (5544)

On 03/01/2011 at 10:00am - health - by a -

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15141) - you deserved it (37670)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

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All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

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