Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML

by shitty day / 11/30/2011 at 5:53am / United States / Health

Today, I called a friend of mine who was recently in an accident. She told me that the head trauma has caused her to lose all sense of smell and taste. To try and cheer her up, I suggested I take her out to lunch. FML

by MB / 11/28/2011 at 1:30am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my brother decided deodorant causes cancer. He goes to the gym every day. FML

by smellyhouse / 11/27/2011 at 5:19am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I was jogging when a woman ran out of her house and handed me an invitation for a party. What was the invitation for? A weight loss treatment party. Guess the jogging isn't working. FML

by jogger / 11/27/2011 at 12:30am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML

by _Oblivion_ / 11/26/2011 at 8:51pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I re-broke my leg. The same way I broke it the first time, playing frisbee. FML

by Sammy / 11/25/2011 at 3:44am / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I chipped a tooth trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. FML

by yollew / 11/25/2011 at 1:27am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, in my karate dojo, I was being taught how to fall properly. My sensei instructed us not to fall with our hands out because it could sprain our wrists. As I was getting ready to help demonstrate a backwards break fall, I actually fell over. Guess where my hands went. FML

by xJade2012x / 11/24/2011 at 2:58am / United States / Health

Today, my husband threw up in the shower after drinking almost a whole bottle of wine. The shower won't drain now. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

by emilyta / 11/24/2011 at 2:14am / United States (Oregon) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

by chunkymonkey / 11/23/2011 at 6:54pm / Health

Today, my gynecologist told me that the ecosystem in my vagina is unbalanced, and that I have to do some reconstruction. Uhm what? FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2011 at 4:36am / United States / Health

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

by OCDrunk / 11/23/2011 at 1:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

by thunderthighs644 / 11/22/2011 at 10:21pm / Health