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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was run over by a car. My car. My 8 year old son put the car in neutral in the driveway while I was behind it. FML

#6605116
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22775) - you deserved it (6675)

On 12/04/2009 at 8:08pm - health - by qwertogo (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I started growing hair on my upper lip. I'm finally becoming a man! Too bad I'm a 17 year old girl. FML

#6594462
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32370) - you deserved it (4190)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:55am - health - by harry (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

#6587756
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27421) - you deserved it (3351)

On 12/03/2009 at 7:02pm - health - by preggo (woman) - United States

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

#6578474
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33122) - you deserved it (3096)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:59am - health - by ewww (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML

#6565317
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34702) - you deserved it (3521)

On 12/02/2009 at 6:36am - health - by michelle91 (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

#6546793
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15907) - you deserved it (11736)

On 12/01/2009 at 2:05am - health - by ihatecats - United States

Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML

#6522437
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28788) - you deserved it (4078)

On 11/29/2009 at 9:39pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it's decided, I'm going on diet. For real. But I said that yesterday. And the day before. FML

#6510175
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7367) - you deserved it (48595)

On 11/29/2009 at 8:02am - health - by Numnum (woman) - United Kingdom (Greater London)

Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave each other's side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML

#6497491
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35859) - you deserved it (2586)

On 11/28/2009 at 5:03pm - health - by IndieRox (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML

#6480683
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7284) - you deserved it (39653)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:24pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML

#6436663
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22878) - you deserved it (2317)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:07pm - health - by Foodcomesfirst (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

#6433881
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37184) - you deserved it (2818)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML

#6431764
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19609) - you deserved it (2120)

On 11/24/2009 at 1:00am - health - by blowinchunks (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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