Today, I learned from the noise outside my window that construction workers start their days at 5 AM. FML

by LH0026 / 08/06/2011 at 5:28am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my dad nearly had a head-on collision with another car, but I grabbed the wheel at the last second, potentially saving both our lives. He spent the rest of the car trip pissed at me because I'd "interfered" with his driving. FML

by laurlaur / 08/05/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, even though I made the point of tanning naked, I still got tan lines thanks to my fat rolls. FML

by Username / 08/05/2011 at 3:06pm / United States / Health

Today, I discovered that airbags aren't nearly as comfy as they look. FML

by jbthedude / 08/05/2011 at 5:57am / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Health

Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML

by indierocklove / 08/03/2011 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML

by Username / 08/02/2011 at 10:52am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

by chinchilla4404 / 08/02/2011 at 10:17am / United States / Health

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

by Username / 08/01/2011 at 10:46pm / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, I found out why my cups of tea have been tasting a bit funny. It turns out my kettle is full of ants, so every time I boil water to make tea, the ants get re-boiled along with it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2011 at 4:32am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML

by preggo / 07/31/2011 at 9:16pm / United States (Nebraska) / Health

Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked me on the street. FML

by The Joker? / 07/31/2011 at 2:17am / United States (Iowa) / Health

Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML

by Ceej / 07/30/2011 at 5:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I had my back waxed to deal with the uncontrollable hair growth. Afterwards, I broke out in numerous pimples where the hair used to be. Basically, a lose-lose situation. FML

by Mitcha857 / 07/30/2011 at 12:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health