Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

by gb / 08/18/2011 at 1:18am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I finally got over the knee injury that has been holding back my military application for 6 months. They sent me to the optometrist, who said my eyes were too bad for service. FML

by sadface / 08/17/2011 at 8:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

by Out of Shape / 08/16/2011 at 6:09pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Health

Today, I found out that if I don't get fillings in at least ten of my teeth within the next year, I could lose them all. I'm 19. FML

by gkid92 / 08/16/2011 at 12:16pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Health

Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML

by Jillian Drute / 08/16/2011 at 12:54am / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

Today, I got a really bad sunburn on my face while at the lake. Not to worry, though; my friends made me feel better by saying, "It takes the attention away from your acne." FML

by Username / 08/15/2011 at 5:38pm / United States / Health

Today, I slipped on a plastic bag that my mom, the hoarder, was keeping on the stairs. I fell and sprained my ankle, getting rug burn in the process. Her response? Getting mad at me, putting the bag back on the stairs, then getting another to add to the pile. FML

by MomLovesMeLessThanTrash / 08/14/2011 at 12:36am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML

by j / 08/13/2011 at 11:56pm / United States / Health

Today, while on the roof of my friend's house, I took a shortcut down by jumping onto the roof of his nearby shed. Not only did I go right through it and hurt my arm, I've also received several calls from my friend's dad, demanding I pay for the damage. FML

by IronFoot / 08/13/2011 at 10:41pm / Canada / Health

Today, I pulled a muscle. Not in any kind of sport or exercise, but while reaching for my computer mouse. FML

by ThisGuy97 / 08/12/2011 at 4:46pm / United States / Health

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

by teeth / 08/10/2011 at 1:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

by auntoftheyear / 08/10/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, my wife heard that wifi could be harmful for our newborn baby's undeveloped brain box. Her solution was to switch the wifi off on our laptops. She won't listen to the flaw in her plan. FML

by anonymous / 08/08/2011 at 10:01pm / United States / Health