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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML

#13864593
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10252) - you deserved it (32780)

On 11/16/2010 at 12:09pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML

#13861463
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22572) - you deserved it (3660)

On 11/16/2010 at 2:13am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

#13858571
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29103) - you deserved it (4448)

On 11/15/2010 at 10:25pm - health - by n0taplumber - United States (Indiana)

Today, my swim coach had me swim a 400 meter freestyle. Feeling a little sick near the end, I lifted my head to breathe, then burped, and threw up violently all in the pool. All my team mates screamed horrified running out of the pool, and now they have to drain it. I was told not to come back. FML

#13855888
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28922) - you deserved it (3685)

On 11/15/2010 at 7:19pm - health - by grlzze444 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my friend and I were racing on our bicycles, when my chain snapped. I went over the handlebars and slid, on my back, for about ten feet. FML

#13801861
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26682) - you deserved it (4535)

On 11/11/2010 at 1:11pm - health - by me - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML

#13799884
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17086) - you deserved it (35607)

On 11/11/2010 at 8:30am - health - by sweet_stufz - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML

#13789712
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30601) - you deserved it (2490)

On 11/10/2010 at 12:22pm - health - by khaelian (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of freaking out and explaining on how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was best thus far. FML

#13787466
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48736) - you deserved it (17776)

On 11/10/2010 at 5:28am - health - by youreajoker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't wear deodorant and has horrible dandruff, decided to shower for the first time in nearly a week because he got invited out to a bar. He didn't even invite me to go with him. FML

#13782541
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12679) - you deserved it (36768)

On 11/09/2010 at 9:11pm - health - by worthless (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML

#13777689
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40278) - you deserved it (7074)

On 11/09/2010 at 1:32pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML

#13774933
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27557) - you deserved it (5582)

On 11/09/2010 at 6:13am - health - by Anonymous (man) - India

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

#13764979
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26626) - you deserved it (3875)

On 11/08/2010 at 1:34pm - health - by Anon - Singapore

Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML

#13746005
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30521) - you deserved it (2380)

On 11/07/2010 at 12:04am - health - by noname (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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