Today, I had to run a timed mile. I'm terrible at running. During the run, I thought I was doing a good job. That is, until the teacher told me to stop because I was three laps behind everyone else. FML

by Fluffy / 01/11/2012 at 7:51am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I had gum surgery. I can't laugh. I can't smile. I can't talk. I can't eat. All I can do is wait for the pain medication to kick in. FML

by In Pain / 01/11/2012 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Health

Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh apparently. FML

by barface / 01/10/2012 at 9:52pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2012 at 1:04am / United States / Health

Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML

by owwwwwe / 01/09/2012 at 4:48pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Health

Today, I applied to a new gym. Now I have a hernia. FML

by naagodinho / 01/09/2012 at 9:56am / Portugal / Health

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

by Jonny / 01/08/2012 at 11:07pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML

by marie519 / 01/08/2012 at 7:59pm / United States (Mississippi) / Health

Today, my fiancé called and hung up right after I answered. He called back 5 minutes later demanding to know the name of the man who answered my phone. This "man" was me. I have bronchitis. Yes, he's aware of this. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2012 at 1:23am / United States / Health

Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML

by tictacnose / 01/07/2012 at 7:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I'm in Vegas to celebrate my 22nd birthday. I should be out having a blast, but a stomach virus thought otherwise. I'll be spending my birthday stuck in my hotel room eating microwaved soup. FML

by sick in Vegas / 01/07/2012 at 5:21pm / United States / Health

Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating 'morning sickness' all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2012 at 9:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health