Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, on my metro ride home, I sat next to a woman who thought it was appropriate to continually scratch at her scalp and then eat her 'scalp pickings'. When I looked over at her hair, I could see scabs clumped together from her previous scratching sessions. FML

Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML

#16256468
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39232) - you deserved it (3290)

On 05/19/2011 at 7:32pm - health - by blue. -

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

#16234308
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29711) - you deserved it (9030)

On 05/18/2011 at 3:26am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML

#16232810
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32803) - you deserved it (4160)

On 05/18/2011 at 12:38am - health - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

#16205540
348 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66576) - you deserved it (10324)

On 05/16/2011 at 12:33pm - health - by Bobby M - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

#16204397
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21020) - you deserved it (38649)

On 05/16/2011 at 10:28am - health - by foolmetwice (woman) -

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

#16173128
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25725) - you deserved it (13641)

On 05/14/2011 at 3:06pm - health - by bloodyLIP - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

#16168525
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39666) - you deserved it (13760)

On 05/14/2011 at 6:43am - health - by BrownDump - United States

Today, my mom said she wanted me to get laser eye surgery before she did, "Just in case it isn't safe." FML

#16158783
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37440) - you deserved it (2945)

On 05/13/2011 at 3:18pm - health - by samadams42 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

#16150933
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32899) - you deserved it (2764)

On 05/12/2011 at 10:19pm - health - by Eric -

Today, on the school bus, I rapped on a window in an attempt to get my friend's attention. A guy sitting behind me took this as an opportunity to shove my face into the window, breaking my nose. FML

#16146603
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34173) - you deserved it (5164)

On 05/12/2011 at 5:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

#16140473
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39826) - you deserved it (5526)

On 05/12/2011 at 3:54am - health - by Anonymous -

Today, my doctor told me I should consider a breast reduction. I'm a man. FML

#16136460
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37254) - you deserved it (13163)

On 05/11/2011 at 10:20pm - health - by anonymous -



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: