Today, I had to have a discussion with my 54-year-old mother about showering. She thinks it's perfectly OK to shower only once a week. FML

by NeedaNosePlug / 01/26/2012 at 12:19am / United States / Health

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

by lol / 01/25/2012 at 10:54am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

by ???? / 01/25/2012 at 1:32am / United States / Health

Today, my co-worker handed me a note. The note said, "If you can, please take a shower once in a while." The smell was coming from the broken bathroom next to my office. FML

by stinky / 01/24/2012 at 3:15am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a pancake. I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment, or if I should have my head examined. FML

by Dutchee / 01/23/2012 at 6:27am / Netherlands (Friesland) / Health

Today, I did my old "toe-touch" cheerleading move to try to impress my 5-year-old daughter. When I landed, I broke my toe. FML

by cheerymama / 01/22/2012 at 7:49pm / United States / Health

Today, I found out that the daily "vitamins" that my dad has been giving me for the last three months were actually weight loss pills. FML

by suckstobefat / 01/22/2012 at 1:10am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I went to get my blood drawn to see how far along I am pregnant. The lady stuck both my arms twice and then busted a vein in my right arm. She told me to come back tomorrow to try again. FML

by Boo Boo / 01/21/2012 at 11:23pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML

by ohforcheese / 01/19/2012 at 3:19pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

Today, I explained to my dad that I think I have a vaginal infection. I asked if he could take me to the doctor. He responded by saying, "Just shove some ice up there. It'll go away." FML

by / 01/19/2012 at 12:14am / United States / Health

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

by Shameful / 01/18/2012 at 2:57pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, my parents are on holiday, which means I have the house to myself. Wild parties? Hot girls? Loads of beer? No. Flu. FML

by partypooper / 01/18/2012 at 10:29am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML

by harshdoobie / 01/18/2012 at 10:18am / Canada / Health