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Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

#14626510
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32136) - you deserved it (4698)

On 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus or blowing blood. FML

#14625013
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28272) - you deserved it (2715)

On 01/18/2011 at 9:37am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

#14618568
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27399) - you deserved it (7196)

On 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML

#14614721
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27336) - you deserved it (7180) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm - health - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I signed my own plaster-cast to make people believe that I actually have friends. FML

#14608704
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27065) - you deserved it (7162) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - health - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

#14600676
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24337) - you deserved it (8163)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

#14596150
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36767) - you deserved it (7859)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:11am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, it's the 3 month anniversary marking the day two friends and I shaved our heads as a show of solidarity for a friend starting chemo. Her prognosis is good and her hair only thinned slightly. We, on the other hand, look like a motley crew of lesbian biker chicks. FML

#14585633
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27255) - you deserved it (9948)

On 01/15/2011 at 2:09am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

#14579173
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25502) - you deserved it (4842)

On 01/14/2011 at 3:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I cleaned my entire apartment hoping to find the source of the terrible odor I've been smelling for the past week. It's me. FML

#14567308
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8015) - you deserved it (36466)

On 01/13/2011 at 4:12pm - health - by John - United States (New York)

Today, my step-mom asked if I was having some eating issues. I admitted that maybe I've picked up some bad habits from friends and school. Now she won't stop bombarding me with self-help books and therapy websites. FML

#14548248
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9933) - you deserved it (21311)

On 01/11/2011 at 8:04pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered that just because I got my braces removed does not mean my painful mouth ulcers will stop. I now have them under my tongue. I can't even lick my lips. FML

#14541152
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21519) - you deserved it (2322)

On 01/11/2011 at 1:38am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I realized the birthmark I have on my chest isn't a birthmark at all; it's a third nipple. FML

#14534141
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40781) - you deserved it (4292)

On 01/10/2011 at 3:35pm - health - by triplenipple (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)



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