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Today, I realized how cheap I am when I blacked out at a water park and some one yelled "Call 911!" I tried to mutter out "No, that's too expensive!" FML

Today, at a quiet restaurant, my stepdad loudly told me he hopes in the future they have "hover caskets" so he doesn't have to carry my "fat ass" to the grave. All because I didn't want a side salad. FML

Today, I discovered that my mom bought roll on stick glue that looks quite a bit like deodorant. It was early in the morning and I was groggy. Long story short, I had to cut every one of my pit hairs. FML

#21456333
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19645) - you deserved it (4130)

On 08/15/2015 at 12:50pm - health - by someboody - United States (California)

Today, I am 1,000 days sober and drug-free. I suffer from depression and I am craving terribly. I have a migraine and a bladder infection. And I can deal with all of this. But what I can't deal with is my dipshit coworker asking if I want to go out for drinks and snort cocaine to celebrate. FML

Today, my mom meant to send a picture of her poop to my aunt, but sent it to my swim coach instead. FML

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

#21453135
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22367) - you deserved it (3148)

On 08/07/2015 at 12:36pm - health - by blow me (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was diagnosed with food poisoning for the third time since moving to this base in Japan. My husband keeps cooking questionable meat and vegetables from the commissary because he thinks the food from a Japanese grocery store is radioactive. FML

#21452616
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23195) - you deserved it (1884)

On 08/06/2015 at 4:33am - health - by ithinkimturningjapanese - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

#21451161
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25997) - you deserved it (2304)

On 08/03/2015 at 1:31am - health - by sendhelp - United States (Utah)

Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML

#21451102
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22545) - you deserved it (2090)

On 08/02/2015 at 11:25pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

#21449508
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24455) - you deserved it (1655)

On 07/30/2015 at 11:30am - health - by WhatTheFuck - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

#21449227
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27431) - you deserved it (1581)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:57pm - health - by Crap (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to start jogging to keep fit. I was passed about ten times by the same car, carrying four bozos whose vocabulary consisted only of, "TITTIES!" and copious amounts of giggling. FML

Today, I had to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Even though they know I don't have any money, let alone shoes on my feet, my parents have decided it's far too much trouble to come pick me up because we're on vacation and they want to have fun. FML

#21447671
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23464) - you deserved it (1738)

On 07/26/2015 at 6:47pm - health - by GreatParenting (woman) - United States (Idaho)



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