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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML

#15207918
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32851) - you deserved it (3759)

On 03/05/2011 at 4:53pm - health - by 092492 - United States (California)

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

#15196116
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14486) - you deserved it (39893)

On 03/04/2011 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I was riding my motorcycle on the highway and wearing all of my gear - boots, gloves, jacket, and full-face helmet. Somehow a bee found the only spot not covered on my body and stung my neck. I'm allergic to bees. FML

#15194289
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36034) - you deserved it (2819)

On 03/04/2011 at 4:22am - health - by Brandon Butler -

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML

#15187189
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28438) - you deserved it (6878)

On 03/03/2011 at 4:18pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

#15166184
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33785) - you deserved it (2789)

On 03/01/2011 at 7:11pm - health - by stillsick (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while pensively thinking up my next awesome Facebook status over dinner, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to get a life. FML

#15165493
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14129) - you deserved it (38844)

On 03/01/2011 at 6:18pm - health - by Baileyy - United States

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

#15161731
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29090) - you deserved it (5459)

On 03/01/2011 at 10:00am - health - by a -

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13559) - you deserved it (35040)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend woke up to me crying. He asked what was wrong, but before I could answer, he'd already rolled over and started snoring louder than ever, making the migraine I was crying about even worse. FML

#15152021
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30267) - you deserved it (6328)

On 02/28/2011 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

#15144008
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6992) - you deserved it (30168)

On 02/27/2011 at 9:20pm - health - by shirley (woman) - Spain

Today, I went to my first ever high school party with music, drinks, and dancing. Within a few minutes of taking my first ever shot of tequila, I was in the worst pain in my life. My parents were called and I had to be taken to the hospital. I'm alcohol intolerant. FML

#15141263
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42977) - you deserved it (13092)

On 02/27/2011 at 4:46pm - health - by Stormy (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

#15129596
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28767) - you deserved it (3707)

On 02/26/2011 at 5:59pm - health - by mwja (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

#15102552
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12337) - you deserved it (33664)

On 02/24/2011 at 2:32pm - health - by Steve - United States (California)



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