Today, stepping on a scale for the first time in years, I had to lift up my stomach to see the number. FML

by ms piggy / 12/15/2011 at 4:52pm / United States / Health

Today, my downstairs neighbor had a home birth. Not only did I hear eighteen hours of uninterrupted screaming, they called me afterwards, asking if I could come over to help them clean up. FML

by Kara / 12/15/2011 at 4:43pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

by brownunderwear / 12/13/2011 at 10:45pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

by photomark / 12/13/2011 at 1:32am / United States / Health

Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during my lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML

by LogicalMolly / 12/13/2011 at 12:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

by CessnaPilot / 12/12/2011 at 10:47pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 8:16pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML

by GlowInTheDark / 12/09/2011 at 2:41am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML

by skrewedguy / 12/07/2011 at 10:33pm / United States / Health

Today, I had to sit through chemistry class watching the kid in front of me slowly peel off the scabs on his arms, examine them, and then eat them. For an hour. FML

by cuppycakeslove / 12/07/2011 at 6:35am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I saw a 10 dollar bill on the street, as I went to grab it, it was pulled away by a string. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I was tricked by teenagers or that I tripped and fell as I went for it. FML

by aceshot97 / 12/06/2011 at 9:33am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML

by lol / 12/05/2011 at 1:13am / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

Today, I went to the doctor for a check up, having had a head injury a week ago and suffering some memory loss. Turns out, the medicine he gave me for my head has memory loss as a side effect. He then said "I told you. Don't you remember?" After I said no he said "I figured." and giggled. FML

by memoryloss / 12/04/2011 at 2:04am / United States (Texas) / Health