Today, I'm on spring break on a tropical island, visiting family I hadn't seen in years. They invited me out to eat, and won't take no for an answer. All of this would be wonderful, if it weren't for the fact that I've been vomiting to the point of expelling bile and dry heaving for the last two days. FML

by FunFun in the Sun / 03/16/2016 at 10:51am / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Health

Today, I'm recovering from a brain injury that occurred a few months ago. The newest challenge I'm facing is thinking the floor is moving any time there is a change in colour or texture. My house has patterned tile floors and carpet. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2016 at 7:41pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I waited for the single bathroom for a very long time. I finally knocked on the door and found no one was in there. FML

by SBae / 03/14/2016 at 11:49am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I paid $500 for a gym membership after moving into a brand new house, since 12 years of software development has taken its toll. When I told my instructor about my goal to lose 35lbs in two months, he simply said, "Yeah... That's not going to happen. Try another gym," and left promptly. FML

by samsterling / 03/13/2016 at 6:30pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, after struggling to get something out of my eye, I kept my eye open long so it would start to water. My mother in law noticed and said, "Aww, do you need a therapist again?" She knows full well I struggle with chronic depression. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2016 at 9:13am / United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot) / Health

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I arrived early so I could check in with the receptionists about this weird communication mixup that's caused me to miss my last two appointments. Despite what my appointment card said, I arrived to find the office closed. FML

by in pain and tardy / 03/11/2016 at 6:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I had knee surgery. I have to wear these lovely compression stockings, and going to the bathroom is really hard since I can't bend my knee at all. I ended up getting pee all over the stockings, but I can't take them off. FML

by jennaaa01 / 03/09/2016 at 11:51pm / United States (New York) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at a family dinner, I found the courage to tell my husband's parents about my schizophrenia. They exchanged weird looks and then there was an uncomfortable silence. Then my father-in-law finally says, "Christ. The grandkids won't come out all nutty, right?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2016 at 1:54pm / United Kingdom (Cumbria) / Health

Today, I suffered an uncontrollable sneezing attack. I have the runs. It wasn't exactly as bad as I'd have expected. Just a lot worse. FML

by all arsed out / 03/06/2016 at 11:50am / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Health

Today, I rubbed chilli powder on my fingers in an attempt to kick the habit of biting my nails. Ten minutes later I went to the bathroom. It still burns. FML

by b5b0n36 / 03/05/2016 at 9:38pm / United States (California) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2016 at 12:54pm / United States (Iowa) / Health

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

by MrAries / 03/02/2016 at 6:45am / United States / Health

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

by man-period? / 03/02/2016 at 1:48am / United States (Oregon) / Health