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Today, on my day off, despite working a night shift the night before I was up early to clean and cook all day to spoil my boyfriend. At 10 p.m. when I finally settled down into the bathtub, my phone rang. It was work, asking where I was for my shift. I didn't have the day off. FML

Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML

#21508476
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21957) - you deserved it (4761)

On 12/27/2015 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by whatthefuck (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, after weeks of keeping it a secret, I excitedly gave my boyfriend what I thought to be the perfect Christmas present. Turns out lock picking sets are illegal in Ohio. FML

#21508274
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16646) - you deserved it (7361)

On 12/27/2015 at 12:18am - misc - by BahHumbug (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

#21508083
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21710) - you deserved it (2794)

On 12/26/2015 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML

#21508063
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23938) - you deserved it (1643)

On 12/26/2015 at 11:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I spent over $20 at the laundromat doing two weeks of laundry, just to avoid using the facilities in my apartment complex and having to deal with my creepy landlord trying to steal my underwear again. FML

#21508051
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20471) - you deserved it (1403)

On 12/26/2015 at 10:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

#21508031
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19879) - you deserved it (2797)

On 12/26/2015 at 8:41am - misc - by -__- (woman) -

Today, I walked in on my 13-year-old sister cutting her pubic hair with scissors. After a long talk about what on earth she was doing, she confessed to doing it so her boyfriend could find her clitoris. FML

#21507957
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24596) - you deserved it (2278)

On 12/26/2015 at 12:40am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I tried dying my hair blonde. I put my hair in a bun and waited for it to dye. I guess I did something wrong, because my hair is now 4 different shades of blonde/orange, along with patches of my natural black hair. FML

#21507650
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15905) - you deserved it (11027)

On 12/25/2015 at 11:00am - misc - by shitberries (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML

#21507419
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20221) - you deserved it (1936)

On 12/24/2015 at 6:47pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was taking my grandma shopping, when she pointed at a pair of thongs and told me if I don’t start wearing them I won’t get a man. I've been married for 4 years, gran. Thanks for paying attention. FML

#21507374
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19462) - you deserved it (1457)

On 12/24/2015 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I told my friend I was considering adopting a dog. She looked at me like I was Satan and went on a rant about how dogs are "born evil" and will always maul someone given the chance. I still have the marks from when one of her psycho cats sliced open my arm last month. FML

#21507307
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19950) - you deserved it (1552)

On 12/24/2015 at 1:06pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom decided that my hair was too long and that she was going to cut it. I now look like a male extra from Xanadu. FML



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