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Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
937 comments

I agree, your life sucks (371529) - you deserved it (42372)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

#832595
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52690) - you deserved it (16509)

On 04/06/2009 at 9:39am - health - by blahbags (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its' head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML

#832092
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27641) - you deserved it (49611)

On 04/06/2009 at 7:47am - kids - by trashcanned (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

#831890
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21169) - you deserved it (59224)

On 04/06/2009 at 6:41am - misc - by Anna (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

#831499
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49794) - you deserved it (9060)

On 04/06/2009 at 4:40am - work - by starrybrooke (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said "me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML

#831466
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65764) - you deserved it (9354)

On 04/06/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by annonymous (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, on my flight to Vegas, I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine. A few minutes later, a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me and even started to talk to me. When I said, "I like rugged men." he said "Oh ya, me too! I really like buff guys also." FML

#831202
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64136) - you deserved it (11849)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:40am - love - by vela9002 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking with my father on the phone when I mentioned I wanted to stay at school over the summer and work. He asked if it would be lonely with the campus empty, when I replied that my friends would be working here too. He asked: "What, all two of them?" FML

#829744
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51228) - you deserved it (4728)

On 04/06/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by halebop (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had a violent stomach flu. My understudies were unreachable, and she threatened to fail me if I did not perform. Halfway through the first act, I vomited on the first row. She failed me for letting the cast down. FML

#828754
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (120871) - you deserved it (5526)

On 04/06/2009 at 12:39am - health - by juliet (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some cheez-its I had in my room. After I had enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML

#827222
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57507) - you deserved it (15727)

On 04/05/2009 at 11:19pm - misc - by hungry (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

#821314
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57595) - you deserved it (8393)

On 04/05/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by YAABOIII (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML

#820741
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83035) - you deserved it (6890)

On 04/05/2009 at 5:34pm - love - by IfuSeekAmyIdo (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML

#819596
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83359) - you deserved it (6009)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by brizzle (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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