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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

#1475215
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (106184) - you deserved it (17034)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML

#1454784
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69282) - you deserved it (5121)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:30pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at 4 AM, I locked myself out of my apartment. After calling friends in vain, I decided to just sit on the doorstep and wait for someone to come in. I sat for 10 minutes before a homeless man insisted threateningly that I move. I was kicked off my own front doorstep by a homeless man. FML

Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML

#1449850
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48487) - you deserved it (10726)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:12am - love - by fmylifebad (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a haircut. Right after the lady finished washing my hair she grabbed a towel to wipe her nose. She then used the same towel to thoroughly dry my hair. FML

#1449729
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73142) - you deserved it (4704)

On 04/29/2009 at 5:40am - health - by Mars (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the horrible stench haunting my apartment for the past week was the decomposing corpse of my freedom loving gerbil underneath the bed that I've been sleeping on. FML

#1445711
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45607) - you deserved it (11044)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:52am - misc - by broomrape (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

#1444188
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57423) - you deserved it (11031)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - health - by fat_thighs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML

#1444168
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98386) - you deserved it (8707)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML

#1440141
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45252) - you deserved it (8088)

On 04/28/2009 at 9:39pm - misc - by kate (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, this guy I like let me wear his favorite baseball hat that he never takes off. I returned it to him later, only to find out I have lice. FML

#1438433
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55330) - you deserved it (16165)

On 04/28/2009 at 9:07pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratches on it. FML

#1435324
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48188) - you deserved it (2848)

On 04/28/2009 at 8:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML

#1429978
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64476) - you deserved it (5412)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by unlolable4321 (woman) - United States (New York)



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