Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I overheard a couple talking behind me. She said, "You wanna know what's really scary?" He said, "the size of that guy? Yeah he's huge", to which she replied, "no, the scary thing is that's a chick." They weren't talking about me, but they sure were talking about my girlfriend. FML

#847487
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62695) - you deserved it (8374)

On 04/07/2009 at 12:53am - love - by effedfosh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

#843065
691 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36791) - you deserved it (503345)

On 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm - misc - by blovesg (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
937 comments

I agree, your life sucks (371398) - you deserved it (42367)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

#832595
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52688) - you deserved it (16510)

On 04/06/2009 at 9:39am - health - by blahbags (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its' head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML

#832092
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27641) - you deserved it (49611)

On 04/06/2009 at 7:47am - kids - by trashcanned (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

#831890
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21165) - you deserved it (59223)

On 04/06/2009 at 6:41am - misc - by Anna (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

#831499
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49794) - you deserved it (9060)

On 04/06/2009 at 4:40am - work - by starrybrooke (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said "me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML

#831466
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65765) - you deserved it (9354)

On 04/06/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by annonymous (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, on my flight to Vegas, I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine. A few minutes later, a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me and even started to talk to me. When I said, "I like rugged men." he said "Oh ya, me too! I really like buff guys also." FML

#831202
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64133) - you deserved it (11849)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:40am - love - by vela9002 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking with my father on the phone when I mentioned I wanted to stay at school over the summer and work. He asked if it would be lonely with the campus empty, when I replied that my friends would be working here too. He asked: "What, all two of them?" FML

#829744
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51226) - you deserved it (4728)

On 04/06/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by halebop (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had a violent stomach flu. My understudies were unreachable, and she threatened to fail me if I did not perform. Halfway through the first act, I vomited on the first row. She failed me for letting the cast down. FML

#828754
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (120861) - you deserved it (5526)

On 04/06/2009 at 12:39am - health - by juliet (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some cheez-its I had in my room. After I had enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML

#827222
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57503) - you deserved it (15726)

On 04/05/2009 at 11:19pm - misc - by hungry (woman) - United States (Ohio)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: