Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML

by skygoddess / 07/28/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I got a sunburn all over my stomach from a tanning bed. In an attempt to relieve the itching, I looked up natural treatments since we have no aloe. After trying yogurt, milk and mayo I found out that our water was shut off so the shower could be fixed. I now reek of mayo and milk. FML

by erika / 07/28/2009 at 1:19am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML

by bsaucedo / 07/28/2009 at 1:00am / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend decided that we should go to the carnival in the Bizarre House place where there were a lot of crazy mirrors. I checked myself out in one of the mirrors. Then my boyfriend says "That will probably be the only time you will ever look that skinny." FML

by crazymirrors / 07/28/2009 at 12:47am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

by saynotochrispine / 07/28/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Georgia) / Geek

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

by thatonekid / 07/27/2009 at 7:10pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother decided it would be funny to squirt disappearing ink on my wedding dress right before I walked down the aisle. It didn't disappear. FML

by randomnamehere / 07/27/2009 at 2:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire 2 acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML

by overthehorizon / 07/27/2009 at 1:25pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2009 at 12:52pm / United Kingdom (London) / Kids

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said "I wish all the weight I gained just went to my boobs." His reply was, "They'd be HUGE." FML

by not-that-fat / 07/27/2009 at 9:49am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I found out that my brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of Warcraft money. FML

by Anon / 07/27/2009 at 3:32am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent in a fake story to a website that supports a yearly festival in my small town thinking it would boost their spirits. It was how my boyfriend proposed to me at last year's festival. Now the local news station wants to do a story about it. FML

by Tasji / 07/27/2009 at 2:24am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous