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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

#710815
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97469) - you deserved it (16090)

On 03/30/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by lucky (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

#709735
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (106117) - you deserved it (7830)

On 03/30/2009 at 8:06pm - intimacy - by Jenny (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML

#703894
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (191535) - you deserved it (31315)

On 03/30/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by jdsksoapy (woman) - United States

Today, I finally passed a math exam. I go home super excited to tell my mom, yelling "Mom! Guess what!?!?!" She turns to me all happy and goes "You finally got a boyfriend!?!?!?" FML

#698857
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61593) - you deserved it (6770)

On 03/30/2009 at 6:14am - misc - by wasntme (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I was at my boyfriends house and we were having sex. He has a game on in the background and one of his friends started talking to him. He immediately threw me off and said "I have to answer this." He went over to his computer and started talking to them. FML

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

#697390
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64253) - you deserved it (4037)

On 03/30/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked a boy I like to prom by writing all over his car. After nervously sitting by the phone all day, I decided to go out to get lunch. I found the word "No!" written all over my car. FML

#696995
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35035) - you deserved it (60617)

On 03/30/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by lauren (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

#694537
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89565) - you deserved it (35410)

On 03/29/2009 at 11:49pm - intimacy - by Cynical (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the phone to make a call and had heard it all. FML

#690128
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32912) - you deserved it (72665)

On 03/29/2009 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Bucko321 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, two really hot guys pulled up in a car next to mine. They were waving at me and pointing down, I figured they were being pigs so I flipped them off. Turns out they were trying to warn me of the flat tire I had. FML

#689967
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7777) - you deserved it (77606)

On 03/29/2009 at 9:14pm - misc - by flattire (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML

#683803
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65848) - you deserved it (24334)

On 03/29/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by Hotsauce887 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

#681021
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15600) - you deserved it (186347)

On 03/29/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by emkaycutie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on bed watching tv. He gets up at one point and turns the light off and I asked him why. He said "You look better in the dark". FML

#680104
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76944) - you deserved it (5547)

On 03/29/2009 at 1:41pm - love - by sadgf (woman) - United States (New York)



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