Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend while looking at halloween costumes online for this years halloween party and said, "Maybe we could go as Bonnie and Clyde this year." He said, "Maybe we should go as a broken up couple," and hung up on me. He wasn't kidding. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 10:42pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a romantic date to the mountains to look a stars with a boy I had just met. We started kissing and he stopped, asking if it was rude for him to take me home now. After getting dropped off, he texted me saying we could never do that again and we should never talk about it. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 5:26pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I ignored my cat's incessant meowing, and pushed him away every time he wanted to be petted. The next time I walked downstairs I found him dead. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 5:19pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 4:06pm / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Miscellaneous

Today, I updated an e-mail I've saved to drafts and have been updating every day for the last few months to a girl I really adore. In this letter, I told her everything I ever kept from her. Instead of saving it to drafts again, I accidentally sent it. And she's online. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 1:06pm / United States / Love

Today, at Six flags, friends and I were going to ride "Superman". People lose their phones on it easily, so I asked a friend who decided not to ride to put mine in her bag. When it ended, I learned she went and asked an employee in navy to hold onto it, but couldn't find him. Employees wear yellow. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 12:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 12:21pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was with my seven year old daughter purchasing my husband a present for his birthday in a few weeks. At the register, in the very long line, I asked her where we could hide his present so he wouldn't find it, she responded loudly with "Hide it in your room! He never goes in there!" FML

by nosexlife / 09/12/2009 at 11:31am / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

by ksgirl / 09/12/2009 at 3:39am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I filled out an application at WalMart after being unable to find a job in three months. I just graduated from law school. With honors. FML

by Thistle / 09/11/2009 at 8:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I tried to help a large, elderly nun who had slipped. She was stuck and wedged in on a concrete ramp. So I stood facing her, feet braced against hers, and pulled. Not only did I drop her, but I got a wicked view of her panties and crotch. I'm sure I'm going to hell. FML

by KarmaGirl / 09/11/2009 at 6:16pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

by fall3nrain / 09/11/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I decided to check out my school's quarterback's Twitter, since we have a class together. He wrote, "Dear girl in front of me, I thought you were pretty until you turned around." It was funny, until I realized the timestamp was when we have class together, and I sit in front of him. FML

by thatgirl247 / 09/11/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous