Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

by thatonekid / 07/27/2009 at 7:10pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother decided it would be funny to squirt disappearing ink on my wedding dress right before I walked down the aisle. It didn't disappear. FML

by randomnamehere / 07/27/2009 at 2:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire 2 acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML

by overthehorizon / 07/27/2009 at 1:25pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2009 at 12:52pm / United Kingdom (London) / Kids

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said "I wish all the weight I gained just went to my boobs." His reply was, "They'd be HUGE." FML

by not-that-fat / 07/27/2009 at 9:49am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I found out that my brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of Warcraft money. FML

by Anon / 07/27/2009 at 3:32am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent in a fake story to a website that supports a yearly festival in my small town thinking it would boost their spirits. It was how my boyfriend proposed to me at last year's festival. Now the local news station wants to do a story about it. FML

by Tasji / 07/27/2009 at 2:24am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

by fmysexlife / 07/27/2009 at 1:06am / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

by scarred / 07/27/2009 at 12:42am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my immature dad said I am a girl not a woman, so my witty response was ''I have a period, I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML

by bookworm94 / 07/27/2009 at 12:10am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to tell my 10 year old son that me and his father are getting a divorce. His reply? "Yes! I call living with dad!" FML

by reckless182 / 07/26/2009 at 11:13pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having sex with some girl and went on a rampage about how pissed he was that he was cheating on me. I had to explain to my parents that I was the girl in the pictures. FML

by omgwtfsam / 07/26/2009 at 8:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy