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I paid 11 dollar to see the new Wolverine movie. I arrived an hour early an waited patiently fir the movie to start. 3 minute before it began , a drunk guy stumbled in an took the last empty seat in the theater... next to me. He talked to me the whole movie. mega FML

TODAY, I GOT IN THE SHOWER, WASHED MAH HAIR AND SHAVED BECAUSE I WANTED TO LOOK GREAT FOR A BIG DATE. I GOT OUT, BRUSHED AND DRIED MAH HAIR AND SPENT AN HOUR PUTTING IT UP IN THE PERFECT HAIRSTYLE. RUNNING LATE, I QUICKLY PUTTED ON MAH NEW DRESS, LOOKED DOWN AND REALIZED I HAD ONLY SHAVED ONE LEG. FML

#1513327
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20373) - you deserved it (49926)

On 05/01/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by kam3221 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

today I called mah mom fir the first time in a few weeks just to chat because I miss her. When she picked up the first thing she said was "Why r you calling? What's wrong? Do you have swine flu??" When I told her that I didn't and I just wanted to chat she hung up. big fat FML

#1513141
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55407) - you deserved it (4011)

On 05/01/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today , I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock mah door as fast as I could . I putted mah key in and turned it too hard , the key snapped inside . I ended up peeing on myself . FML

#1512569
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50858) - you deserved it (12533)

On 05/01/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, mah daughter said "I love u mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. fat FML

#1509670
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62051) - you deserved it (11604)

On 04/30/2009 at 10:50pm - kids - by mylove (woman) - United States (Florida)

Yesterday, I woke up with the worst cold, ever. My nose was running like crazy an my eyes were all puffy. So I stumbld over to the medicine cabinet an took wat I thought were three tylenol cold's. Two hours later I'm still sick an I can't leave the bathroom. They were laxatives. FML

#1507278
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40267) - you deserved it (23871)

On 04/30/2009 at 9:40pm - health - by fuckmyliiiiiiife (woman) - United States (New York)

Today I decidd to run outside. I noticd a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After ahile hen I slowd down I smild at him and he replid You look really hot.( I thankd him and he quickly replid )No I mean your sweating a lot." FML

#1505270
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16408) - you deserved it (47057)

On 04/30/2009 at 8:52pm - love - by Eli123 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the looool party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. mega FML

#1495877
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44865) - you deserved it (26167)

On 04/30/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by ashley (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today , I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at mah school but mah hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and mah school had to call the fre department. Now everyone calls me tampon grl. FML

#1493911
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28816) - you deserved it (63962)

On 04/30/2009 at 3:56pm - misc - by obeezy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Yesterday I Went To Get Te Apple Store, My Mac Ad Been Making A Grinding Noise From Te Fan. Te Guy Put Is Ear To Te Keyboard And Said Tere Was A CD In Te Drive So I Couldn't Ear Te Grinding From Te Fan. He Ejected Te CD. It Was Porn. FML

#1493509
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14100) - you deserved it (92627)

On 04/30/2009 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by cait (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today a talamarkatar callad fir my dad . Jokingly I said ( I havan't saan him fir lika fiva days...I'm starting to gat worriad ) in my bast child-lika voica . Apparantly tha talamarkatar callad Child Protactiva Sarvicas . I'm 20 . FML

#1490808
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15030) - you deserved it (63027)

On 04/30/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by Telemistake (woman) - United States (New York)

I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment!! I asked her, "Do you got yur bag?" And she said, "No!! I have bag!! Babies say got!! I'm a big girl." I am 20 yeres old and in the honors program in college!! I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment!! FML

#1490336
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14813) - you deserved it (94124)

On 04/30/2009 at 1:42pm - kids - by Nanny (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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