Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML

by Clunker / 10/24/2009 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my fiance told me he thought it was time that we started to see other people. I'm six months pregnant with his baby. FML

by Marcella / 10/24/2009 at 12:49am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML

by Brinty / 10/24/2009 at 12:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 10:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working a haunted house. I have a really good spot where I hide and scare people. This really hot guy was walking up, and I jumped out and screamed. He punched me in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 8:40pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

by ashleyramsay / 10/23/2009 at 3:13pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love

Today, they are pumping out the septic system in the building next door. I am three months pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and can smell everything within a three-mile radius. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 12:12pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I had to remind my roommates of the importance of wearing clothing at all times in the common living area. My roommates are my parents. FML

by ihatemylife / 10/23/2009 at 11:54am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my old highschool math teacher called me, asking me to please stop calling him at 2AM every weekend. Turns out my best friend uses my cellphone to call his number every time she's drunk, and declares her eternal love to him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 11:15am / Netherlands (Flevoland) / Love

Today, I took my SUV in to get the oil changed, and the tires rotated. They allowed me to stay there, because they said it would only take 30 minutes. So I sit there in the waiting room, and I look through the window only to see my SUV falling off the lift, from 6 feet in the air. FML

by effmylife / 10/23/2009 at 6:09am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, at work, I was standing at the till helping an attractive man. I have a cold and could feel the snot bubbling up. He orders and we flirt for a bit. Just as I'm about to hand him his product, I sneeze quite loudly and forcefully all over his face. Guess I won't be getting that number. FML

by BoogieCandy. / 10/23/2009 at 4:56am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

by wahwah / 10/23/2009 at 2:51am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while trying on a dress, my sister came up behind me and poked my back, asking, “What have you stuck down your dress?” I hadn’t put anything down the back of my dress; it was just my back fat. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 12:56am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous