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Man or woman?

Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early Birthday present. With straight faces, they look at me and say: "we signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it take a year. FML

#2051394
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47598) - you deserved it (5213)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:43pm - love - by imnotTHATlonely (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was planning on meeting my friend at the mall. She came late, and I was in the dressing room trying on a few things. When I came out to meet her, she looked at me oddly and said, "You shouldn't buy that, it looks terrible on you." Those were the clothes I came in. FML

#2047113
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46589) - you deserved it (4933)

On 05/18/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by Rachel (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

#2045344
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70376) - you deserved it (7964)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

#2045197
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40852) - you deserved it (5298)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:22am - kids - by BeatenUpPup (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the water park with my boyfriend. We were getting on a two-person tube slide. As I went to sit in the front I noticed the lifeguard looking me up and down, what I assumed was him checking me out. I found out I was wrong when he said, "Heaviest in back." FML

#2040967
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51019) - you deserved it (9745)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:48am - health - by barbie (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML

#2039933
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16784) - you deserved it (53715)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by nothing (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

#2037920
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49684) - you deserved it (10021)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

#2030761
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94192) - you deserved it (22489)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I spilt boiling tea all over my stomach and left leg, so I went to the hospital to get it checked out. They said I wouldn't be able to expose it to the sun for the next two months. I'm going to Barbados tomorrow. FML

#2014797
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59041) - you deserved it (7191)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by _dopey_ (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

#2010673
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12703) - you deserved it (50421)

On 05/17/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by Kerrilyn (woman) - United States

Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML

#2010345
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15800) - you deserved it (56107)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Wexford)

Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML

#2009508
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54863) - you deserved it (4349)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML

#2003683
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51251) - you deserved it (7890)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)



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