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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party, and told them to keep the date free. I got several responses telling me that's not possible, because that's the day the new Harry Potter movie comes out. FML

#2935549
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41420) - you deserved it (28577)

On 06/16/2009 at 7:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

#2935296
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37933) - you deserved it (5692)

On 06/16/2009 at 6:35am - kids - by inboxbuddies (woman) - Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah)

Today, I stepped outside to wait for a cute guy to arrive after arduously preparing for our first date. Just as he rounded the corner, I tripped over the last stair and landed headfirst into my mom's fresh pot of snapdragons. My mom uses compost and manure for her plants. FML

#2934855
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40584) - you deserved it (4639)

On 06/16/2009 at 5:13am - love - by flowerfail (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML

#2933331
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50647) - you deserved it (4622)

On 06/16/2009 at 3:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I rented some movies in attempts to cheer up my best friend. Her husband just died a few weeks ago in a helicopter accident. I was in a rush and didn't read the descriptions of the two films, one was about a plane crash where all the passengers died. She cried through the entire movie. FML

#2931703
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10597) - you deserved it (83950)

On 06/16/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by idiotfriend (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

#2929872
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51910) - you deserved it (22190)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by kjmsit (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

#2928893
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41825) - you deserved it (4279)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by yourmom (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stares at my chest. He then starts to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

#2921881
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47170) - you deserved it (6222)

On 06/15/2009 at 8:32pm - intimacy - by Hotdamnthisismyjam (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML

#2920786
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38578) - you deserved it (3566)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:57pm - love - by skreweduP (woman) - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

#2919658
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27198) - you deserved it (47430)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by kitkat545 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my dad decided to clean out my car and "accidentally" threw away my $520 tax refund check. FML

#2914711
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50204) - you deserved it (6498)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:39pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said that I was fun, attractive and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!". FML

#2914098
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49645) - you deserved it (14055)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:11pm - love - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States

Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML

#2912753
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46062) - you deserved it (4291)

On 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom



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