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Today, not wanting to be known as a lightweight anymore, I started drinking with some guy friends. After one beer I ended up in bed with one of them who kindly put my bra back on for me after, as I was too sloshed. I'm no longer known as lightweight, but instead, the slutty drunk. FML

#1869904
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11839) - you deserved it (78515)

On 05/12/2009 at 10:23am - misc - by Permafucked (woman) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I spent hours baking a multi-layered, detailed cake from scratch for my mom's birthday. It took two seconds for my dog to devour the cake while I picked up a spoon I dropped on the floor. FML

#1868232
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49186) - you deserved it (5948)

On 05/12/2009 at 7:16am - animals - by babyboomerang (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

#1866535
384 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75223) - you deserved it (10840)

On 05/12/2009 at 3:19am - health - by bathroomseww (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

#1861801
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54241) - you deserved it (6866)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

#1847078
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42428) - you deserved it (2638)

On 05/11/2009 at 4:37pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it's the five year anniversary of my father's death. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and crying about how much I missed him. He replied with, "Sometimes, I think you just like to hear yourself talk." FML

#1845741
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85255) - you deserved it (10019)

On 05/11/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by bezoar10 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

#1842367
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47336) - you deserved it (3917)

On 05/11/2009 at 1:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I took my lunch break to buy my mom a pretty orchid. I took it to her apartment (to which I have a key), placed it on her coffee table with her card, and went back to work, pleased with my surprise. She called me later to ask why I got her a stick in a pot of dirt. Her cat ate the orchid. FML

Today, my mom told me to follow her car closely to my aunt's house. I kept really close to her which caused me to get pulled over for tailgating. I explained everything to the cop so he went over to my mom to see if that was the truth. My mom said she didn't know me. I got a ticket. Thanks mom. FML

#1828109
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74756) - you deserved it (4990)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by newdriver (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while powerwashing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my leg. Thinking I'd just wash it away before it stings me, I aimed the powerwasher nozzle at the bee. A bee sting isn't nearly as painful as powerwashing your leg. FML

#1818559
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11086) - you deserved it (77189)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:39pm - work - by jokada (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got stopped for shoplifting at a department store. They took me back to the security room and showed me the tapes. I was taking my own designer lipgloss that I had bought a month before out of my purse. FML

#1818447
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57352) - you deserved it (3960)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bear to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML

#1815627
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (439327) - you deserved it (60219)

On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)



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