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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color, when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchish popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML

#3178772
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42702) - you deserved it (7017)

On 06/24/2009 at 4:19pm - animals - by spiderinmylips (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML

#3173139
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48961) - you deserved it (14542)

On 06/24/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by feelinnauseous (woman) - United States

Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML

#3171611
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43597) - you deserved it (5114)

On 06/24/2009 at 11:33am - love - by MoxyR12 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, by request from my new boss, I came into work over an hour early to finish some backed-up filing. This seemed like a great opportunity to earn some extra overtime pay. After spending an hour and half filing, I realized I hadn't clocked in for the day. FML

#3170547
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16666) - you deserved it (37005)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:34am - work - by Tottie (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed "Tell him Happy Birthday for me!" and as I pressed send I remember her dad was dead. FML

#3169112
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21497) - you deserved it (42743)

On 06/24/2009 at 8:11am - misc - by blind (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I ran into my crush of three years ago. We used to always walk our dogs together. He still remembered my dog's name. He didn't remember mine. FML

#3168313
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49424) - you deserved it (3453)

On 06/24/2009 at 6:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

#3165939
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48448) - you deserved it (2426)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by silkworm (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

#3163713
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43508) - you deserved it (11500)

On 06/24/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by Nutty (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my girlfriend was upset, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. After a minute, her face started to light up. I thought it had worked until I realized that she was being cheered up by the friends she was talking to online. FML

#3159457
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40961) - you deserved it (3499)

On 06/23/2009 at 10:50pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML

#3153262
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52020) - you deserved it (12899)

On 06/23/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by nicklesg (woman) - United States (California)



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