Today, after months of enduring my neighbors relentlessly yapping schnauzer, Molly, I moved into a new building. I was greeted by my new neighbor and her yapping rat terrier, Molly. FML

by bellaellaella / 09/22/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going to take my boyfriend to Napa. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something big since last year my fiancée called off the wedding. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm "clearly not over" my ex. This makes two consecutive birthdays alone in romantic hotels I paid for. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2009 at 12:27pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2009 at 10:12am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML

by kimmybr / 09/22/2009 at 5:36am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my biological father, who I have never met, on facebook and decided to message him. He blocked me. FML

by snow / 09/22/2009 at 5:12am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was coming out of the ladies' room, I saw a guy glancing at me. A few minutes later, I saw him coming at me at a fast rate. I decided to run from him. As I got out of the building and into a cab, I saw him from the window waving my phone at me. He was just trying to return it. FML

by georgiana072 / 09/22/2009 at 3:36am / Philippines (Benguet) / Miscellaneous

Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML

by robbedonCTA / 09/22/2009 at 2:20am / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I was in class just taking notes and minding my own business. The teacher has already called my parents twice complaining about me. As we are taking 3 pages of notes she grabs mine and rips them up, saying that she is sick and tired of me drawing. I was drawing the graphs on the board. FML

by wait..what / 09/22/2009 at 1:15am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2009 at 12:27am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, there was a fire alarm in my dorm. Just as I was leaving my room, a lady in the hallway told me that it was a drill and they'd be inspecting rooms, so I would need to leave my door unlocked. When I came back, my room was trashed and my laptop, speakers, and jewelry were gone. FML

by zzyx / 09/21/2009 at 11:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

by bass / 09/21/2009 at 9:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I decided not to park in the parking garage on campus, in an attempt to save the $8 it would have cost me. Instead, I parked in a surface lot (about a mile away) and got a $50 parking ticket for not having a permit to park there. FML

by ScorpioQueen / 09/21/2009 at 7:34pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I got a new computer because my old one crashed, deleting all music, photos, and documents. I still had all my music on my iPod though, and went to sync it to the new computer. By accident, my younger brother pulled the cord out before it was done, deleting all 3,000 songs forever. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2009 at 4:22pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous