Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She just cut my sister's hair. FML

by hairdresser / 10/18/2009 at 11:27am / Thailand (Krung Thep) / Kids

Today, working my pizza delivery job, I got a $45 parking ticket for parking in a no stopping zone. I argued with the bylaw enforcement officer, but no luck. I was so pissed, I yelled at him: "You have the worst job in the world", to which he replied: " Buddy, you deliver pizza!" FML

by nick / 10/18/2009 at 9:39am / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, it was the elections for Student Council President. I decided to be nice and vote for the only other competitor because it was her birthday. I lost by one vote. FML

by presidont / 10/18/2009 at 8:25am / Switzerland / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my company's HR manager to ask what the procedure was to file a sexual harassment complaint since my boss exposed himself to me. His response was that the procedure is to "get over it." And he went back to reading. FML

by dyingtinkerbell / 10/18/2009 at 7:14am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2009 at 6:52am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML

by Lovenotes / 10/17/2009 at 7:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2009 at 12:26pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML

by Ohgreat / 10/17/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I had a phone interview for a job I've had my eye on forever. I was dumped a few hours before the interview, but was okay until I was put on hold with music playing. Me and my boyfriend's song came on and I started bawling. I could hardly talk when they took me off hold. FML

by amya / 10/17/2009 at 4:39am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I left work at 11pm. It was cold and dark, and I was anxious to get home, so I cut across some soccer fields to get to my car. About halfway across, the sprinklers came on. FML

by legotron / 10/17/2009 at 1:18am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2009 at 10:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I met some guys from my dad's workplace. They told him what a pretty daughter he had, to which he responded, "Nah, it's just shit-loads of makeup." FML

by SheWentCrayola / 10/16/2009 at 10:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a safe. I put all of my most prized possessions in it, including all of my jewelry, family heirlooms and important papers. Oh, and just before I locked it up, I put the key to the safe in there too. FML

by smarty / 10/16/2009 at 5:02pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous