Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

by Volume_control / 11/10/2009 at 9:41am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML

by Uh-oh / 11/10/2009 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

by vanessa_d15 / 11/10/2009 at 4:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I got a paper back that was given a zero for suspected plagiarism. Everything I wrote was my own thought and analysis. My instructor basically thinks my paper is smarter than I am. He won't listen, even when I explain my thought processes throughout the piece. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2009 at 1:43am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a rejection letter from a company I interviewed with three weeks ago. They didn't mention giving my $200 portfolio back. Guess I'll keep using my 4-year degree to wait tables. FML

by blargggggg / 11/10/2009 at 1:20am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me in a text message. Then I found out from a mutual friend that he "came out" and told everyone at our school that he is gay. He has known he was gay for years and he was just using me as a cover up. What a great way to start my senior year. FML

by amanda_ae_erin / 11/09/2009 at 11:02pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I attended a focus group. Since I've been unemployed for a month now I thought the $60 would come in handy. By the time I finished someone had broken into my car, stole my GPS and MP3 player. FML

by unlucky / 11/09/2009 at 10:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I found out that I didn't get a job because I failed the psychological analysis. It told me to answer each question and tell the truth. So I did. I ask my friend, who got the job, if she told the truth. She said no. Apparently you have to lie in order to get a job. Sorry for being honest. FML

by samantha711 / 11/09/2009 at 9:28pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML

by Tee / 11/09/2009 at 9:20pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to have my eyebrows waxed for the first time. After signing in the receptionist looked at me and said "Lip wax?". I told her no, my eyebrows. She sat me down and the waxer walked up, took one look at me and said "Lip wax?" FML

by LoserOfTheYear / 11/09/2009 at 5:27pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, after visiting my mom, she stuffed a bunch of pads in my backpack so I'd have some at my dorm. When I was going through security, I was stopped and ended up missing my flight. Apparently the jumbo pads my mom sent look exactly like packs of cocaine when they go through the X-ray machine. FML

by tampondealer / 11/09/2009 at 1:42pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Transportation

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

by Kirta / 11/09/2009 at 10:18am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, we got our results for our final grade English paper on which I worked my butt off on, and also which I let my best-friend copy off from. I received a E- and two detentions for plagiarism. My friend got a A minus. All she said was "oh well, at least you tried your best". FML

by fuck_thisshit / 11/09/2009 at 5:27am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous