Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

by smellsofeggs / 11/26/2009 at 4:13pm / United Kingdom (Brent) / Animals

Today, I left my new iphone in a taxi I was sharing with a friend. Apparently when I got out she looked at it, told the driver some one had left it and gave it to him. FML

by hockey / 11/26/2009 at 3:47pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

by has-evil-friends / 11/26/2009 at 3:30pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hit a deer. The worst part? Papa deer saw me hit mama deer, and proceded to ram into my car. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 2:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 12:44pm / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Love

Today, I went to see the new Twilight movie, for the second time. The first time was at the midnight premiere. I would be "okay" with it if the person who had dragged me to see it both times hadn't been my boyfriend. FML

by HeSaysImNoBeard / 11/26/2009 at 11:47am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML

by whattheshit / 11/26/2009 at 9:19am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML

by harrypottermuch / 11/26/2009 at 6:50am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I complained to my boyfriend that I was stressed out. He asked me then "What do you have to be stressed out about?" I work 50 hours a week and go to school full time. I ask him what was stressful about his day, he told me that his "kill/death ratio went down on Call of Duty". FML

by amy1023 / 11/26/2009 at 5:18am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

by MouseChaser / 11/26/2009 at 4:22am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML

by ehwat / 11/26/2009 at 12:31am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was riding on my usual bus, when I noticed a man staring at me. I was having a really bad day, and said "Can you please stop staring at me?" He then replied with "I'm just trying to look out the window, and your head is in the way. Don't flatter yourself." FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 12:15am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML

by Embarassedd / 11/26/2009 at 12:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous