Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 2:28pm / United States / Love

Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML

by eww657 / 12/16/2009 at 10:43am / United Kingdom (Bracknell Forest) / Love

Today, I worked for three hours writing very neat notes with one of those pens that erase. I felt very accomplished, so decided to share it on Facebook. I brought my computer over to my lap on top of my notes. Turns out heat from laptops smudges ink from eraseable pens. I can't read my notes. FML

by ohhi_itsme123 / 12/16/2009 at 7:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 7:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I found the only man who hates sex. He's my boyfriend. FML

by Unsatisfied / 12/16/2009 at 1:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who I have been trying to get back together with, texted me. He asked me how life was going, he then asked me if I had the naked picture of him saved on my phone. I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to send it to his crush. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 1:15am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I have "crotch acne". When I attempted to explain that I have razor bumps from shaving, he got mad and said I was lying and insecure about my obvious facial and bodily acne problem. FML

by RazorBumps / 12/16/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I was talking to my parents, when all of a sudden my dad starts freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is, he was dead serious the whole time. FML

by allergyface / 12/15/2009 at 10:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, we had company over, and after dinner, I saw a package of gumballs sitting on the table. Figuring my brother had brought them, I took one and bit it. I got a bunch of weird looks. Turns out wasn't a gumball - it was a mini paintball. FML

by BlueMouth / 12/15/2009 at 8:39pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend's crazy ex, who let herself in with her old key. She screamed at me to get out of "her" bed, snatched "her" blanket off of my body, and finally dragged the bed itself out the door. I was still in it. FML

by jellyfish_ftw / 12/15/2009 at 5:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I called my boyfriend upset because my best friend has begun stripping to pay for school. His response was, "Where and what time does she work?" FML

by notcool / 12/15/2009 at 4:49pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, it hit me that my dad didn't cry when I moved out, he did so only when I came back later to pick up my cat. FML

by number2 / 12/15/2009 at 3:50am / United States (California) / Animals