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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

#1479703
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77175) - you deserved it (3767)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:53am - animals - by dasbooot (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML

#1479634
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42051) - you deserved it (8842)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:51am - misc - by jess (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

#1475511
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79351) - you deserved it (7782)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:11pm - love - by cgold (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

#1475433
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64268) - you deserved it (8473)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by ohmyx3 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I called my mom into my room to ask her to bring me something. She reffered to me as a "lazy fat slug." I'm 38 weeks pregnant and was put on emergancy bedrest by my doctor. FML

#1475224
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60358) - you deserved it (4080)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:03pm - misc - by prego (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

#1475215
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97224) - you deserved it (15711)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML

#1454784
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62776) - you deserved it (4554)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:30pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at 4 AM, I locked myself out of my apartment. After calling friends in vain, I decided to just sit on the doorstep and wait for someone to come in. I sat for 10 minutes before a homeless man insisted threateningly that I move. I was kicked off my own front doorstep by a homeless man. FML

Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML

#1449850
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44532) - you deserved it (9939)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:12am - love - by fmylifebad (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a haircut. Right after the lady finished washing my hair she grabbed a towel to wipe her nose. She then used the same towel to thoroughly dry my hair. FML

#1449729
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67095) - you deserved it (4232)

On 04/29/2009 at 5:40am - health - by Mars (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the horrible stench haunting my apartment for the past week was the decomposing corpse of my freedom loving gerbil underneath the bed that I've been sleeping on. FML

#1445711
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40266) - you deserved it (9911)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:52am - misc - by broomrape (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

#1444188
447 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53082) - you deserved it (10115)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - health - by fat_thighs (woman) - United States (California)



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