Today, my boyfriend told his parents about my bondage fetish. In front of me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2009 at 3:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML

by boyfriendisatoss / 12/26/2009 at 2:22am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend went in to kiss me. He came in too aggressively and passionately and his front tooth knocked against mine. I am now missing a third of my right front tooth. Average cost for a dental crown? $900. FML

by Foam / 12/26/2009 at 1:10am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I have an Urinary Tract Infection, causing me to have to use the bathroom about every ten minutes. I'm also about to leave on a 15 hour car trip with my entire family. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2009 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2009 at 10:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, my Nana showed me her new sign that says, "Some of my greatest blessings call me Nana." We stood there looking at a wall FULL of pictures of her grandkids, which is where she wanted to hang it. After scanning the wall a couple times, I realized. There was not one picture of me. FML

by weeble_wobbles09 / 12/25/2009 at 9:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was unloading things into a hotel. As I went to get a bag out in the hallway, the room door closed and I had no key. When I knocked and asked my family to let me back in, no one answered. The doors are clearly not soundproof. I could hear them debating whether or not to let me back in. FML

by RoxahTheGreat / 12/25/2009 at 8:50pm / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, my uncle got me a debit card and put $1000 on it for my Christmas present. However, he forgot to activate the card. The receipt with the 14-digit activation code is in the garbage in Colorado. FML

by kraziikayce / 12/25/2009 at 8:20pm / United States (North Dakota) / Money

Today, I was working at the Soup Kitchen handing out special christmas dinners to the homeless. At the end of the day I collected my things and went home. It was only then I discovered that my wallet, phone, pager and (for some reason) my glasses has been stolen. FML

by calli / 12/25/2009 at 4:21pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Work

Today, my 25 year old brother ran into my room very excited at 8am. "Wake up! We got a new puppy!" he told me. I was so excited so I jumped out of my warm bed. When I asked him if he was serious he said "No, but we have to go to church, so get dressed." FML

by MessyMal / 12/25/2009 at 10:30am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom got drunk and decided to unwrap all my Christmas gifts and throw them at the wall. Ho, ho, ho. FML

by sucks_brah / 12/25/2009 at 2:25am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2009 at 2:09am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy