Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

by lifesux / 12/31/2009 at 12:33pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was looking through pictures on Facebook. There was a picture of me and my friends with the caption "I love you guys!" below. I had been cropped out. FML

by MorganRox26 / 12/31/2009 at 11:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML

by brokenrainbow. / 12/31/2009 at 8:28am / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Animals

Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML

by ParanoidFreak / 12/31/2009 at 4:31am / United States (South Carolina) / Transportation

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 3:06am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from my ex boyfriend. It's only been two weeks since we broke up and I assumed he sent me a message begging for me to take him back. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my sister last night. FML

by 12345678 / 12/31/2009 at 3:01am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, my 7 year old looks at me and states, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

by Missyangel / 12/31/2009 at 2:39am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

by .... / 12/31/2009 at 1:23am / Canada (Manitoba) / Health

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy starts talking to me, then suddenly loses interest. Afterwards, I see the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

by lame / 12/31/2009 at 12:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with a really hot guy in a Jacuzzi. He had the biggest booger hanging out of his nostril, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He went in for a kiss. Soon after our lips parted, he said, "Oh, you have big booger." FML

by Jennyfromdablock / 12/30/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML

by BrutallyBlonde / 12/30/2009 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was in a busy airport bathroom with my three year old son. While in the process of pulling my pants down, my son decided to open the stall door. I jumped up to yank the door closed but not before the line of waiting women saw me with my pants wrapped around my ankles. FML

by doody / 12/30/2009 at 5:42pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, my doctor told me my ankle has been fractured since last week. I've been helping drywall the basement, and trying to walk up and down stairs for a week. My husband has been telling me to man up, and it's not that bad. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2009 at 2:12pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.