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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

#4619260
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74098) - you deserved it (5905)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

#4618349
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50999) - you deserved it (17778)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:02am - animals - by anugla (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was my 21st birthday. All my friends showed up at my house already drunk, so I had to be the designated driver. FML

#4617749
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49498) - you deserved it (3486)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by thedd (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I'm immune to laughing gas and partially immune to novocaine while I was getting two teeth pulled. FML

#4609790
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49866) - you deserved it (2536)

On 08/17/2009 at 8:14pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML

#4606857
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37106) - you deserved it (20896)

On 08/17/2009 at 6:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML

#4606159
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72142) - you deserved it (8443)

On 08/17/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by ZSL (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss called me into his office. He then fired me. Upset, I asked him "Well, who's gonna replace me?" His answer was "I don't know and don't care. Everyone who works here hates you. Now go away." FML

#4605529
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41681) - you deserved it (23396)

On 08/17/2009 at 5:16pm - work - by vmml97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. We went inside the theatre and he saw a couple of his friends. Instead of saying hi and coming back to watch the movie with me, he ditched me for them. When I reminded him he was forgetting something, he grabbed the popcorn out of my hands and left. FML

#4603530
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55170) - you deserved it (5725)

On 08/17/2009 at 3:49pm - love - by ditched (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I noticed my dishwasher wouldn't turn on. After shelling out $120 call-out fee, I was a little miffed when the technician walked in, pressed the 'unlock' function and walked out again. FML

#4594322
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8475) - you deserved it (49504)

On 08/17/2009 at 4:31am - misc - by veevee (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML

#4594193
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51229) - you deserved it (5173)

On 08/17/2009 at 4:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

#4591074
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49905) - you deserved it (2923)

On 08/17/2009 at 1:43am - love - by TrophyGirlfriend (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting pretty hot and heavy, and then he said, "Lets pretend you are someone else." FML

#4590136
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53124) - you deserved it (4939)

On 08/17/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by somebodyelse (woman) - United States (California)



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