Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML

by surprise / 12/11/2009 at 4:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and my boyfriend was already awake. Feeling in the mood I slipped off my nightdress and looked him in the eye. He looked me up and down, smiled seductively, reached over... and turned his PS3 on. FML

by ps3isbetterthanme / 12/11/2009 at 11:44am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in his bed. I was watching the Terminator on T.V. A commercial came on in the middle of the movie. We just started having sex when the movie came back on he said "I'll be back." in the Arnold Schwartzenegger accent and rolled over to watch the movie. FML

by Tee / 12/11/2009 at 4:26am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I was preparing for a huge party I've been looking forward to for months. I did all the usual things a girl should do, put on a facemask, painted my nails, exfoliated... I was feeling confident until I peeled off the facemask. I guess when it said "vibrant" what it meant was bright red. FML

by ouch / 12/11/2009 at 2:50am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Health

Today, my friends and I went to court. We are all college students, and for next semester, we will be on probation and have to do 8 hours of community service, as well as a $25 fine each. All for swinging on swings in the park after dark. FML

Today, a repairman woke me up so he could change the filter in my furnace. This would have been fine, except he didn't wake me up until he was already in my room, where I was sleeping naked. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2009 at 10:10pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML

by ohcrap / 12/10/2009 at 7:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, we had our annual office Christmas party. The theme of the party was "Ugliest Sweater". The winner was a sweater that I have an exact replica of in my closet. It's my favorite 'special occasion', 'family portrait' and 'holiday' sweater. FML

by NotHauteCouture / 12/10/2009 at 3:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2009 at 2:51pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter's school called to inform me that I needed to bring her some sneakers. Not feeling like driving the 15 minutes to her school, I told them I was away from town. Then I realized I was on my house phone. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2009 at 9:34am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I didn't get promoted, but the guy who showed up to work drunk a few weeks ago did. FML

by Hmmwtf / 12/10/2009 at 5:38am / Australia (Tasmania) / Work

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

by soapysoap / 12/10/2009 at 3:04am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on my ass. Customers complained to my manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job. FML

by Melinda / 12/10/2009 at 12:14am / United States (California) / Love