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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, completely excited, I told my mom about this guy from high school, that I had really liked and who had found me on Facebook. He said he regretted not asking me out in high school and offered to fly me out to visit him. Her response? "Has he seen what you look like now?" FML

#5706276
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39697) - you deserved it (4092)

On 10/07/2009 at 5:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was locked inside my dorm room. Yeah, inside. How? Some of my floormates decided to stick pennies in the door frame, which jammed the handle. I was stuck inside my room and had to pee really bad. I couldn't call an RA to get me out either. Why? I am the RA. FML

#5705668
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37470) - you deserved it (4798)

On 10/07/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by pennyhater (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at the Salvation Army when I saw a wheelchair in the miscellaneous aisle. I thought it would be fun to ride around in it. As I was wheeling it back to where I found it, I made it back just as it's owner was hobbling out of the dressing room. FML

#5703197
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7630) - you deserved it (49972)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:58pm - misc - by imok (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

#5699135
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11850) - you deserved it (36181)

On 10/07/2009 at 6:42am - kids - by vbscb (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML

#5696976
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28911) - you deserved it (5925)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:43am - health - by Toothless (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

#5688481
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14409) - you deserved it (39359)

On 10/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by lovebigmacs (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML

#5681273
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37323) - you deserved it (8644)

On 10/06/2009 at 11:56am - misc - by good-samaritan-fail (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

#5680607
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15155) - you deserved it (64427)

On 10/06/2009 at 10:38am - misc - by TatooFAIL (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

#5679558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43624) - you deserved it (4199)

On 10/06/2009 at 8:08am - kids - by laurwitharawr (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I chose to wear khaki dress pants to class to look professional. I was in the hallway when one of my professors pulled me aside to ask if I was feeling well. Apparently, the dryer had "eaten" my pants and made a large brown stain on the butt, making it look like I had crapped myself. FML

#5678496
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38251) - you deserved it (9279)

On 10/06/2009 at 4:28am - misc - by coolchicka05 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML

#5677989
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9645) - you deserved it (32550)

On 10/06/2009 at 3:12am - misc - by limecat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

#5676795
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59936) - you deserved it (3526)

On 10/06/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by blackedout (woman) - Singapore



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