Today, my mom got drunk and decided to unwrap all my Christmas gifts and throw them at the wall. Ho, ho, ho. FML

by sucks_brah / 12/25/2009 at 2:25am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2009 at 2:09am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend gave me a box of chocolates for Christmas. I thought it was sweet until I noticed the heart drawn on the back. It's the same box of chocolates I gave him for Christmas. Christmas last year. FML

by HeSucks / 12/25/2009 at 2:04am / United States (Mississippi) / Love

Today, my friends and I were shopping for dresses. I asked the lady at the counter for a size 4, she looked at me and mumbled "Yeah right." in front of everyone. FML

by hahasuckit / 12/25/2009 at 1:30am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sat for 3 hours at my boyfriend's Christmas celebrations. He has 22 cousins. They open presents one at a time. In silence. I got nothing. FML

by Earths_Venus / 12/25/2009 at 1:28am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent Christmas Eve Googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good Christmas. FML

by suuuuuupucci / 12/25/2009 at 1:25am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I waited anxiously until midnight to open my Christmas presents. As the clock struck midnight, I ran out into the living room, super-excited to open them, only to discover that everyone in our house had already opened theirs, and had all gone to bed. FML

by iFail / 12/25/2009 at 12:18am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I work at a debt collections center and I had to call my own father. Merry Christmas. FML

by kat / 12/25/2009 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I decided I was going to do something nice for my parents for Christmas. So, I cleaned the entire house top to bottom, baked cookies, and made them both Christmas cards. What did I get in return? They asked me to wrap my four year old sister's presents, and let me know I got nothing. FML

by blkchkrm / 12/24/2009 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

by imamonster1992 / 12/24/2009 at 6:41pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 6:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 2:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML

by Ellowise / 12/24/2009 at 5:06am / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Health