Today, my little sister asked me what she would look like when she got older. I told her that she would probably look a lot like me. She started to cry. FML

by Misty3242 / 02/06/2010 at 3:15am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, as I was working at my babysitting job, I was watching a 3.5 year old girl. She begged and begged me to come in the jacuzzi with her, and when I put on my 2-piece bathing suit on, the young girl asked me why my stomach looked like a bagel. I looked down just to realize she was right. FML

by Karie-Rose / 02/06/2010 at 1:28am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

by Isabell / 02/06/2010 at 12:31am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I walked past a group of men at the mall and one of them mooed at me. FML

by LynnJ / 02/05/2010 at 9:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in my drama class and I was standing behind the curtains. My friend accidentally bumped me into the bin that was hidden behind the curtain. Everyone heard me fall and they opened the curtains. My butt was stuck in it and my knees were in front of my face. No one helped. FML

by JD / 02/05/2010 at 8:20pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

by doggie_doo_face / 02/05/2010 at 7:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2010 at 4:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML

by goldenshower / 02/05/2010 at 1:22pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML

by hisgirl4life / 02/05/2010 at 8:44am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML

by hickey / 02/05/2010 at 5:35am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, one of my friends pointed out I'm starting to get a mustache! - "You're finally a man!" To bad it's my 15th birthday, and I'm a girl. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2010 at 1:25am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I grounded my son for being a smart ass. Now he can't go to the cub scout campout this weekend. He's been howling, sobbing, stomping, slamming and screaming for about three continuous hours. I am not sure who this punishment has inflicted more suffering on: my son or me. FML

by Mom / 02/05/2010 at 1:20am / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was on the phone to my boyfriend in England. I live in Australia. What did he talk about for 15 minutes straight? Mafia Wars on Facebook and how far he had got. FML

by MafiaWarsWidow / 02/04/2010 at 8:35pm / Australia (Victoria) / Geek