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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to see me and told me that he had a surprise for me. I was excited at the idea of a romantic gesture, but forgot about it until he arrived and things began heating up. As I was removing his pants, I said, "Ooh, you shaved!" to which he replied, "Surprise!" FML

#21435204
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24128) - you deserved it (3771)

On 07/02/2015 at 1:53am - intimacy - by mirandale (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I quit my job so I wouldn't have to work with this one complete fuck-wit anymore. I told him what I thought of him, and then walked away giving him the middle finger. Turns out, he is a regular customer at my new job. Everyone loves him and thinks he's awesome. FML

#21435181
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24440) - you deserved it (9076)

On 07/02/2015 at 12:49am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

#21434895
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29434) - you deserved it (1788)

On 07/01/2015 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I spent nearly half an hour looking for my favourite pair of shoes. I ended up getting so pissed off that I accused my boyfriend of stealing them. He then pointed out that I was wearing them. FML

#21434871
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12523) - you deserved it (30628)

On 07/01/2015 at 1:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

#21434340
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23867) - you deserved it (2277)

On 06/30/2015 at 12:02pm - animals - by piercednipple (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my intern was given his own office. I have been asking to move out of my cubicle for nearly four years. FML

#21434251
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24910) - you deserved it (2086)

On 06/30/2015 at 5:57am - work - by bosslady (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML

#21434188
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23370) - you deserved it (1752)

On 06/30/2015 at 2:18am - work - by Claudine (woman) - Belgium (Liege)

Today, a woman came through drive-thru and placed a long order while screaming at her kids in back. When we forgot a doughnut, she became enraged, threw her iced coffees at me, told me I was a no-life and that I always get her order wrong. It's my first day and I was only giving her the order. FML

Today, after not being able to sleep for two hours because my boyfriend wouldn't stop talking, he fell asleep and I was left wide awake. I listened to him snore for another three hours and only got a couple of hours sleep. He's not working today, but I am. FML

#21433696
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24494) - you deserved it (2872)

On 06/29/2015 at 5:28am - love - by sleepingonmydesk (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was called a selfish brat for asking for a pillow as my birthday present. FML

#21433680
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26866) - you deserved it (1794)

On 06/29/2015 at 3:42am - misc - by youdontknowmewhy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

#21433513
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24368) - you deserved it (1687)

On 06/28/2015 at 9:59pm - work - by CaptainFluffyPaw (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed a rash of insect bites on the backs of my thighs and buttocks. Upon further investigation, it appears that the inside of the chair in my work cubicle is infested with bedbugs. I'm too paranoid to sit in any work chair now. There are 12 hours left in my shift. FML

#21433237
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24514) - you deserved it (1533)

On 06/28/2015 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML

#21432863
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28970) - you deserved it (1850)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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