Today, the guy I've been seeing asked me to have a threesome. With his girlfriend. FML

by emi / 04/03/2016 at 1:18pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to be honest and told my husband I didn't love him anymore. It ended with a warrant for his arrest. FML

by ktpnothappening / 04/03/2016 at 12:03pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my father stumbled upon the quickest way to get me out of bed in the morning: ripping out my nose stud. FML

Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great if it hadn't been a dream, and if the guy in question hadn't been my brother. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 11:48am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, I left my daughter with a babysitter for the first time. When I came home, my microwave was ruined because they had attempted to heat cans of Play-Doh as a science experiment. FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 11:01pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 5:06pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, this guy I was seeing dumped me for "bombarding" him with text messages. I'd sent him one text asking if he was okay, after he stood me up 2 nights in a row. FML

by Ace / 03/31/2016 at 10:17pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, my best friend finally broke up with her knob of a boyfriend. This would be great except now my boyfriend of two years has broken up with me because she's finally single. She introduced us. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2016 at 9:54pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, my hair got stuck in my umbrella. I asked for help from passers-by, but all I got was weird looks as they hurried past me. FML

by Littlethings / 03/31/2016 at 1:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, after living for a while with my husband and our cat, I'm still not sure which of the two leaves the most hairs strewn around the house. FML

by Lanthane / 03/31/2016 at 2:00am / France (Aquitaine) / Animals

Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML

by sadfantasy / 03/31/2016 at 2:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about the primary elections. I asked him who he'd voted for, out of curiosity. He said he'd voted for the candidate he was initially against. I asked him what made him change his mind. "My mom paid me 20 bucks." FML

by Enonynous / 03/31/2016 at 2:00am / United States (California) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, someone accused me of stuffing my bra when some tissue fell out. I was too embarrassed to tell them I wasn't stuffing, the tissue was used to sop up my boob sweat. FML

by sunkissedevil / 03/30/2016 at 10:52pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.