Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

by mkonda / 09/10/2016 at 1:11pm / India / Love

Today, my best friend texted me and told me she broke up with her boyfriend. Trying to be supportive, I sent a long message about how he never deserved her and that I was there for her if she needed someone to vent to. She replied, "Are you high?" FML

by indefiniteforest / 09/10/2016 at 12:11am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

by AloneAgainNaturally / 09/09/2016 at 5:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, my babysitter told me to find a replacement, so I tried to bribe her into staying by offering her a raise. She told me that the money would be better spent on an exorcist. FML

by MumMatters / 09/09/2016 at 6:26am / Germany (Hamburg) / Kids

Today, I managed to spill Superglue on the one place you absolutely shouldn't spill Superglue. FML

by KittyKat168 / 09/09/2016 at 5:34am / Germany / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML

by notmyfam / 09/09/2016 at 3:47am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time in months. Afterwards, when he thought I was asleep, I caught him jacking off to porn. His defense: "Why should you be the only one to get off multiple times?" I got off once, from the toy he used, pre-sex. He then got mad at me for catching him. FML

by kaijen / 09/09/2016 at 1:11am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my workplace instituted a policy in which employees must stop and write down what they are doing every fifteen minutes. FML

by Gottabekidding / 09/08/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, after a month at my new job, my boss fired me because I didn't have enough experience. She hired me with full knowledge of this fact. FML

by jobless / 09/08/2016 at 2:18pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my boyfriend told me he only loves me sometimes. He explained what days he chooses to love me and what days he doesn't want to. I told him that's not how it works. He disagreed. He's 27. He still doesn't understand why this is a problem. FML

by Now What / 09/08/2016 at 1:04pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was working out with the guy I like when he spilled his water bottle. I went to clean up the spill, bashed my face into the weight bar, which broke my nose. FML

by Clumsy / 09/08/2016 at 8:06am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML

by Loud / 09/08/2016 at 2:07am / Australia / Work

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

by Thatgirl112 / 09/07/2016 at 11:59pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy