Today, I was in the city newspaper for something I worked my ass off on. There was a picture of me working on my creation in the article with a caption, something like, "Chloe B, part of the robotics team." My name isn't Chloe, and I talked to the article writers. I haven't heard back at all. FML

by rainbowlack / 11/16/2016 at 7:53pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML

by thisisstupid_17 / 11/16/2016 at 9:47am / Intimacy

Today, my mum called me at work in hysterics, saying she had just been arrested and that I needed to get her dog from her house. I had no idea why she was arrested. I hear nothing from her until 1 a.m. when she calls, waking me up. The first words out of her mouth are, "How's the dog?" FML

Today, I asked the guy I share a desk with at work out because he has texted me a few times and seemed pretty into me. He said he doesn't date coworkers, even though the last 5 people he's dated have been coworkers. FML

by princessrose / 11/16/2016 at 6:05am / Love

Today, my crazy downstairs neighbor was yet again fighting with her boyfriend by slamming every door. When this didn't work, she went downstairs to fight with his grill. She wheeled it to the end of the driveway and pushed it over. FML

by Murphs_Law / 11/16/2016 at 1:37am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML

by pinkrazorsare4men / 11/15/2016 at 7:51pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was hanging out with a guy friend I hadn't seen for ages. The sexual tension was off the charts. We were making out and think were progressing, hands were roaming to both nether regions when I freaked out and blurted out, 'But aren't we just friends?' We then sat and watched TV. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2016 at 4:20am / Intimacy

Today, I told my long-distance friend about the flooding in Florida due to the Supermoon. He's a Flat Earther and despite proof, denies the coincidence because he believes the moon and gravity aren't what we're taught. FML

by Enslaved / 11/15/2016 at 3:40am / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to add my crush on Snapchat. He thought it would be a good idea to block me. FML

by RosaAnela / 11/14/2016 at 9:15pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that the insurance that my husband signed us up with for next year doesn't cover any of our doctors. Now we need to find 4 different doctors who take our insurance. FML

by emisara93 / 11/14/2016 at 7:38pm / United States / Health

Today, for the 16th day in a row, my husband slept in the guest room because he doesn't want to disturb the dogs once they've fallen asleep on our bed, so they don't hate him. FML

by Alittlebitiffy / 11/14/2016 at 7:42am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, and like every year, my godmother sent me a card asking me why I never call her, and why we don't go out on my birthday. Six years ago, she told me on my birthday I was going to hell for moving with my boyfriend and then sprayed me with perfume. He is now my husband, and she claims she forgot. FML

by Kml / 11/14/2016 at 7:31am / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML

by Rain / 11/14/2016 at 6:43am / Money