Today, I e-mailed an employer to ask about a job I had applied for earlier. The employer in question was on vacation. The person who replied had the position which I had applied for mentioned in their signature. FML

by Farah / 09/26/2016 at 10:42am / Bangladesh / Work

Today, it's my last day at my job because I'm moving to another city. My boss handed me a card and chocolates. The same boss that didn't sign the card because, "Even though you're a great employee, I probably won't remember your name in a fortnight." I've been there three years. FML

by Bawsack / 09/26/2016 at 6:10am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Work

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

by Fat and Embarrassed / 09/25/2016 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my mom's boss reversed into my parked car. She expects me to say that it's my fault so she doesn't have her insurance increase. FML

by comeonnow / 09/25/2016 at 2:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML

by Rizmo / 09/25/2016 at 3:11am / United States (Utah) / Kids

Today, I got my dog some weight loss formula food, as she is very overweight. This new food makes her have horrible gas. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2016 at 12:27am / United States (Arkansas) / Animals

Today, I was talking with a very attractive co-worker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as the moth lady. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2016 at 12:13am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, after finally deciding to push past my extreme shyness, I talked to the person beside me in class. I was so nervous that when I went to take a sip of my coffee, it slipped out of my hand and splashed all over both of us. Not only did I ruin her white dress, but I also gave her mild burns. FML

by 242795 / 09/24/2016 at 2:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

by spaceavery / 09/24/2016 at 12:53am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML

by KayKay / 09/23/2016 at 2:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I started a new job as a school bus driver. I was sent on the hardest route in the area, and not 5 minutes in I came across a broke down truck in the middle of the road. I was stuck behind him for over an hour with a bus full of elementary school kids. FML

by ljennette25 / 09/23/2016 at 12:51am / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML

by nopenopenopenope / 09/22/2016 at 11:28pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, the guy I'm seeing told me, "I've always loved you as a person.... but not in any other way." While he was inside me. FML

by broken / 09/22/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (California) / Intimacy